Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Like you really need an excuse to watch porn.
Barney: Canadian porn. Trust me when I tell you their universal health care plan doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to watch one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'm going to go "oot" of my mind.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is...
Ted: You know??!
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn....wait for it....ography!
Ted: Yea, we didn't really need to wait for that. And it's ridiculous!
Lily: I don't know. He could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.
Ted: Hey!
Lily: What? The walls are thin.
Ted: That's not what I'm 'hey'-ing you about.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Oh Robin, that's a really cute outfit.
Robin: Really? Thanks..
Lily: Yea, it has to go, I'm the bride and you can't look better than me
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
Clerk: Aaww..I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!
Lily: Really!?
Clerk: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.
Lily: Oh, so can we see a judge?
Clerk: Absolutely!
Lily: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.
Marshall: Why are you doing this to us?
Clerk: Because you're on ... Candid Camera!
Robin: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say...
Marshall: You know what, we get it.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Oh my God! These pancakes are delicious!
Marshall: Yes! Thank you. I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.
Lily: Wow! Do you want to cook dinner tonight?
Marshall: Yeah, sure...How about pancakes?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily [talking about Mr. Druthers]: He was mean. And that's why I took away his ball.
Ted: What's the ball have to do with anything?
Lily: Druthers have to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first but then he'd learn to stop being mean.
Robin: Hey guys, what's going on?
Ted: Lily stole my boss's baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
Robin: Why? Was he being mean?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Lily, question for you, why did I find Mr. Druthers's baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?
Lily: That's easy, I took it.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Wow you weren't kidding it really does look like a giant penis.
Ted: I know, but whatever reason Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it.
Lily: How can he NOT see it? I mean there's the [points]
Ted: I know...
Lily: And the way it...
Ted: I know...
Lily: And the two little...
Ted: I know!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Give him his ball back right now! People are gonna get fired!
Lily: No, they're not! It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time.
Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 176
