Better Off Ted

Linda Zwordling Quotes (Page 8)

Linda: No, I can't be a chicken lady. I have so much I want to do in my life. I want to get married and have children and glue feathers to my back to mess with idiot scientists who are careless with experimental drugs.
Phil: You can still do all those things! Oh, wait
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: You stole a baby?
Linda: Only for a few seconds. Turns out, just because you write your name on something doesn't mean you get to keep it.
Ted: Yeah, I think babies have to be notarized
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Hey, Linda. What's wrong?
Linda: The Jewish people have had such a tumultuous history, and yet they were still able to give us this? The everything bagel--it's all you'd ever want in one bagel. I love it... and the chosen people who created it.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Lem: Here's a Band-Aid. And there's your lady shoulder.
Linda: Just bring the specs to my desk. I'll be the one hoping I never hear the term "lady shoulder" ever again
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: Kids. God's little awkward-moment machines
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Linda [to Ted]: I got to go. I gotta meet Don at the Who Cares What People Think Cafe. Where if someone sees something that they want, they just have it, and it's the best thing they've ever had. Because that meal's been practicing yoga for seven years. In case you missed it, by "that meal" I mean me. I'm bad at metaphors, but I'm great at sex
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Hi beautiful. Beautifuls...
Rose: Hi, Daddy.
Linda: Hi, Daddy. And I'm just never calling you that again
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerome [tasting meat made in lab]: It tastes familiar.
Ted: Beef?
Jerome: No.
Linda: Chicken? We'll take chicken.
Ted: What does it taste like?
Jerome: Despair.
Ted: Is it possible it just needs salt?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Veronica: Did I surprise you? I didn't mean to surprise you. I'm just a friendly person.
Linda: I didn't think you know my name.
Veronica: Of course I know your name. I know a lot about you. Linda... Katherine... Zword... ning--ling.
Linda: Zwordling
Veronica: Fine. You know your own name better than I do. Yah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Linda: This is a great company, isn't it? Freezing their employees.
Ted: Employee. They're only freezing one. For now
 • Rating: Unrated

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