Homer: I'm sorry, Homer Junior. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill.
Bart: Therapy, please.
Lisa: Me too.

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Willie: You want me to carve it into a thank-o-lantern?
Lisa: No, this is good.
Willie: Well, this knave's got to carve something.

Lisa: Bart, why is the dad I've always wished for creeping me out?
Bart: I don't know, cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?
Lisa: Point taken.

Bart must not be judged by these kids. But by a jury...of kids, mostly these kids...there's only so many kids.

Lisa: Why does someone become a bully?
Jimbo: Neglect.
Dolph: Abuse.
Kearney: I'm a Cubs fan.

Milhouse: I can't wait to use your moves on Lisa.
Lisa: Eww. On every level, eww.

Bart: All you need to know is that I'm a politeness monster who eats "pleases" and farts "thank yous", ma'am.
Lisa: I'm exactly the kind of kid he's pretending to be.

All my extra credit points are like frequentflier miles on a bankrupt airline.

I love that dog...but that is one long, stupid name.

T-Rex: T.V.? We don't own a t.v.
Lisa: I didn't know that was an option.

Lisa: But I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn't eat meat.
Lunchlady Doris: And I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn't sleep with John.

Lisa: Willie, I love your chaps.
Willie: Me pants are ripped out.

The Simpsons Quotes

Sir, I got carsick in your office.

Ralph

Mr. Burns: (reading Homer's letter) "Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood, and your card was just great." Why Simpson, you've made my day, you're a true gentlemen.
Homer: Well I-
Mr. Burns: Hello, there's more. (continues reading) "In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink! You are a senile bucktoothed old mummy with bony girl arms and you smell like an elephant's butt!"