Lisa: Why does someone become a bully?
Jimbo: Neglect.
Dolph: Abuse.
Kearney: I'm a Cubs fan.

Milhouse: I can't wait to use your moves on Lisa.
Lisa: Eww. On every level, eww.

Bart: All you need to know is that I'm a politeness monster who eats "pleases" and farts "thank yous", ma'am.
Lisa: I'm exactly the kind of kid he's pretending to be.

All my extra credit points are like frequentflier miles on a bankrupt airline.

I love that dog...but that is one long, stupid name.

T-Rex: T.V.? We don't own a t.v.
Lisa: I didn't know that was an option.

Lisa: But I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn't eat meat.
Lunchlady Doris: And I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn't sleep with John.

Lisa: Willie, I love your chaps.
Willie: Me pants are ripped out.

Lisa: I hope you're happy. You all just wasted your time working your way into an after school class.
Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, and Ralph: Aahhh!

Moe: And that's that. Another story in the classic infallible three-act structure. Good enough for Aristotle, good enough for The Simpsons.
Lisa: Mr. Szyslak I have feeling there's going to be one more act to this story.
Moe: Well I'm not hanging around for that. Pfftt. Four acts.

It's so diverse. I've died and gone to a PBS kid's show.

Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers.
Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!