Liz: [on the phone] Hi, my name is Liz Lemon and I received flowers from your shop tonight and I can't tell who they're from. No, no, I did read the card but it's not signed.... no, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess... well, that is just... oh, well you know what, I found the card, actually, they're from your mom, so tell your gay mom I said thanks!• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Jack: I had "lunch" with Martha Stewart and "dinner" with her daughter Alexis.
Liz: Gross.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
The Head: I see you're lookin' at my watch.
Liz: What?
The Head: It's cool, isn't it? That's a Japanese pie watch.
Liz: Oh, okay.
The Head: It tells time with those little pie pieces. Each piece is six minutes, so right now it's... six times four... 5:30? That can't be right.
Liz: My watch has these little hands that go around and point at numbers.
The Head: Hey, that's awesome possum.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Liz: Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he's gonna kill you and then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Liz: I'm not firing Josh.
Tracy: You always take his side.
[cut to flashback]
Liz: Tracy, stop tasering him!
[cut to present]
Tracy: See? I need to be respected, Liz Lemon.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Liz: Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I got this number under fertility in the Writers Guild Health Manual?
Dr. Spaceman: I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dennis: Look at this ski jumping idiot Bode Miller. What kind of a fruity name is Bode?
Liz: That cereal has the Olympics on it? It must be, like, eight months old.
Dennis: When you and me have kids we're going to give them good names like "Shannon" or "Rick."
Liz: When we what?
Dennis: When we have kids, Dummy.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Liz: Why is there hair everywhere? Did you shave in the kitchen?
Dennis: The water in here is softer.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jack: I don't do these things just to drive you crazy, Lemon. I do them for the good of the show.
Liz: Well, I'm the one who always has to clean up the mess afterwards.
Jack: That's why my job is way better than yours.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Liz: Why did you bump Jenna from Conan?
Jack: Because if I have a choice between an international movie star and a woman who does commercials for ShopRite...
Liz: No, no, no. Jenna doesn't do those commercials anymore. She got fired.
• Show: 30 Rock • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 182
