Lois: That's a great idea, maybe you can join PETA.
Peter: Join me for what?
Lois: No, PETA, the organization.
Peter: What organization?
Lois: PETA.
Peter: what?
Lois: PETA is an acronym, Peter.
Peter: No I'm not, I'm Catholic.
Stewie: Are we really doing this?

Lois: How was your physical, Peter?
Peter: Good. Good. Good, yeah. Too good, as a matter of fact. Ya know what the doctor said? The doctor said I was too healthy. Too good of shape. Don't even know how, too good of shape.
Lois: You didn't go to your physical, did you?
Peter: Er, I did not.

Lois: (Walks into bedroom and hears Peter laugh.) Peter? I know you're in here.
Peter: Yes I am Lois... (High pitched) But where?
Lois: Peter, if you shock me, I swear to God I'm leaving you. Peter: You have to find me first Lois. (High pitched) Where could I be? Lois: Well there's a Quonset hut that I've never seen in this room before. I gotta figure you're in there. Peter: How do you know, Lois? I could be in that New York Style magazine kiosk. Lois: Peter, this all looks very expensive.
Peter: Yes, you might say it was... shockingly expensive. Lois: I'm going to try the Quonset hut. (Peter comes from behind and shocks her.)
Peter: (Laughs) I was in the bathroom. The hut and the kiosk? Decoys, Lois, decoys! (Laughs and runs)

Peter: (very drunk) Did I miss Byron's reward?
Lois: "Brian's award". And yes, you did!
Peter: Brian, you've been a good son, and I'm sorry you're so sick.

Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.

Meg: Mom, can I turn the heat up?
Lois: Don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset.
Meg: Come on. This thing goes up to 90.
[Meg adjusts it a little, and Peter suddenly comes into the room]
Peter: Who touched the thermostat?
Meg: God, how does he always know?
Peter: Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one. Tells you when the kids mess with the dial.
Guy: My thing went off! Your thermostat okay?

Peter: Lois, you have a gray hair.
Lois: What?
Peter: Inch and a half left of your part.
Lois: Oh my god, you're right.
Peter: You know I don't mind so much that you're aging, it's just the way you're shoving it down my throat.
Lois: Screw you Peter.
Peter: Wow, not today.

Eric: "Hi! I'm a nude vampire."
Alcide: "Hi! I'm a nude werewolf."
Sookie: "And that's the show!"
Lois: "Peter, come down! That gay show you like is on."

Oh my god! I thought we were friends! The kind of really good
friends that communicate with each other poorly through Facebook!

(after arriving at the resort) Brian, this is wonderful. I feel like one of the Kennedys. You know, the over privileged drunk ones, not the socially responsible dead ones.

Lois: Peter did you take Stewie to a strip club? he smells like Sweat and fear.
Stewie: Ughh let me tell you Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their "A" squad, I actually saw bullet wounds.

Chris: I think I saw of her nipples.
Lois: Chris that's a terrible word. Nipple. I'll chalk that up to the heat mister

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.