Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Lois Griffin Quotes
Shhh! The green shirt went by again! If it goes around 30 times in 5 minutes, you get to have a diet coke!
Peter: No, you're not supposed to hit it into the water.
Lois: But you hit it into the water.
Peter: I know I hit it into the water.
Lois: But why do they have water if you're not supposed to hit it there.
Peter: Because it's fun! We're having fun!
Peter: Well, I am off to try and get out of this conversation!
Lois: Peter, what did you do?
Peter: He was slightly inconveniencing me and Joe, so we threatened to destroy his family.
Lois: Wow, Doctor Hartman, that's really short. I suppose it's fine if he's going to die at 14. Is there anything there about that?
Dr. Hartman: Well, we learned in medical school that the short ones do go faster, because they smell more farts than the rest of us.
Success is being true to yourself.
There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.
Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?
See, we're all terrible people inside.
Remember, if you screw this up, mommy's going to kill all of your toys.
Peter, we have a hamper. Stop throwing your dirty clothes in the toilet.
Peter: Not a word to your mother about my getting canned.
Lois: What?
Peter: Nothing. Ooh, the lost-my-job smells great!
Lois: Excuse me?
Peter: Uh...Meg, honey, could you please pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?
Lois: Peter, are you feeling okay?
Peter: What are you talking about, Lois? I feel great. I haven't got a job in the world
