Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!

Peter: You got Legos? Aw, sweet! Lois only buys me Mega Bloks.
Lois: They're the same thing, Peter.
Peter: You know what, Lois? They are not the same thing. And the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner we can get this marriage back on track.

Lois: How was your physical, Peter?
Peter: Good. Good. Good, yeah. Too good, as a matter of fact. Ya know what the doctor said? The doctor said I was too healthy. Too good of shape. Don't even know how, too good of shape.
Lois: You didn't go to your physical, did you?
Peter: Er, I did not.

Peter: Lois, do you have any idea what i'm looking at right now?
Lois: Peter, we're not doing this again.
Peter: I am at Harvard, the smartest school in the country. And they have...
Lois: Peter, breakfast for dinner is anarchy!
Peter: It's fun, Lois! It's whimsical!
Lois: It's ridiculous! Pancakes are not a nighttime food!
Peter: You're ridiculous!

Lois: Now what are we going to do, we have no money!
Peter: Why it's okay, Lois, we have a wonderful family!
Lois: No we don't, there's Meg and Dummy and Big Head.

Brian: Okay, just to be clear, we were talking about me being in love with you and you rejecting me, right?
Lois: Yes.
Brian: I'm just making sure.... Say we were both drunk and we knew we wouldn't remember...
Lois: Well, I'd have to be really, really... No!

Lois: Peter, have you been up all night watching chick movies?
Peter: Lois, before I found these movies, women only made me cry through my penis. Now they make me cry through my eyes.

Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE2

Shhh! The green shirt went by again! If it goes around 30 times in 5 minutes, you get to have a diet coke!

Chris: Why is everybody acting weird?
Lois: Chris, honey, we know what you did. And I have to say, honestly, I don't approve.
Chris: What I did? Oh, that I lied about my age to get into Indian bingo?
Peter: Uh, no.
Chris: That I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but still no.
Stewie: How is that close?

Lois: Peter, we need to talk about your son.
Peter: Which one? The fat one, or the funny lookin' one?
Chris: (laughs at Stewie) Dad called you fat! Wait...

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!