Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXLois Griffin Quotes
I'm pretty sure our washer machine is pregnant! I'm not even sure how that's scientifically possible!
Tina Fey: I'm better than Jesus!
Lois: Yes, Tina Fey, you're better than Jesus.
Who did Jesus hang around? Mary Magdalene. Who was she? A
prostitute. Which means if they had cameras back then, I bet she
would've done a porno.
I think there was actually more wind back then.
Oh my god! I thought we were friends! The kind of really good
friends that communicate with each other poorly through Facebook!
No, you're a lady bigshot... like Miss Piggy!
Lois [as Stewie aims a blaster at her]: Well, let me just say, it's
nice to be standing here with no one trying to murder me.
Stewie: Yea, no you're fine...
Brian: Oh, my God. Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the world!
Savage: That's all I ever wanted to be known for.
Lois: Is it okay if we run this story instead?
Savage: Sure thing!
Daniel Stern: [as the voice-over from "The Wonder Years"] It was just then that I knew that things were finally going my...
Savage: [angrily] I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!!!
Lois: Peter, where have you been? You left for the market six hours ago! Did you get the beans?
Peter: Lois, I've got something better! You know how you've always wanted a real diamond engagement ring?
Lois: [gasps, touched] Oh my God!
Peter: That's right, I've bought a horse!
Lois: Here's a little tip: If your instinct tells ya to do somethin', don't do it. If your instinct tells ya not to do somethin', IT'S PROBABLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO!!
No matter what you do the rest of your life, you'll always be garbage.
Where you off to sweetie? You gonna go see three movies in a row so it seems like you're off doing something?
