Lois: Peter, where have you been? You left for the market six hours ago! Did you get the beans?
Peter: Lois, I've got something better! You know how you've always wanted a real diamond engagement ring?
Lois: [gasps, touched] Oh my God!
Peter: That's right, I've bought a horse!

Lois: Here's a little tip: If your instinct tells ya to do somethin', don't do it. If your instinct tells ya not to do somethin', IT'S PROBABLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO!!

No matter what you do the rest of your life, you'll always be garbage.

Where you off to sweetie? You gonna go see three movies in a row so it seems like you're off doing something?

You can't just around in black face. It's racist. Now go upstairs and put on that Indian chief costume I bought you.

Oh my God. You're 40!?

Princess Leia/Lois: There's something out there!
Han Solo/Peter: Where?
Princess Leia/Lois: Out there in the cave!
Han Solo/Peter: Ha! Crazy women always hearing thngs.
Chewbacca/Brian: There's something out there!
Han Solo/Peter: Let's go check it out.

Han/Peter: Hey guys.
Leia/Lois: Han! What are you still doing here?
Han/Peter: Well I just realized my spaceship works better when I HAVE THE KEYS! Duh!

Leia/Lois: We're gonna be pulverized!
Han/Peter: Look, we got four or five of the main characters on board this ship, so I think we're okay.

Leia/Lois: May I have everyone's attention please? We're evacuating into outer space with literally infinite directions in which to flee. However, we have decided that our transports will travel directly towards the fleet of stormtroopers. Any questions?
Rebel: Yeah, um, is there someone from the military we can talk to, a man perhaps?

Han/Peter: Well your manage-to-keep-me-around-a-little-longer ness, it looks like you've managed to keep me around a little longer.
Leia/Lois: I assure you, I had nothing to do with it.
Han/Peter: Yeah right. I think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sights.
Leia/Lois: [agitated] Why you stuck up, half witted, scruffy lookin' nerf herder!
Han/Peter: You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!

Peter: Here's the deal: anything he lops off we get to bring home to Brian.
Lois: That's very green of you, Peter.

Family Guy Quotes

Ugggh! This tastes like Ani DiFranco after a bike ride!

Quagmire (referencing an awful Korean Taco)

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)