Lucille: Barry's very good.
Lindsay: He's an idiot.

(to a waiter) Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear.

Lucille: Don't you judge me. You're the selfish one. You're the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?
Michael: You've never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?

Lucille: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister.
Michael: I hope she's okay.
Lucille: She's awful. Can barely wash a dish.

(to Lucille 2) I got you tickets to "The Producers". I already saw it in New York. But that's of no use to a woman whose vertigo makes flying a grotesque misadventure.

Lucille: When's the last time you went on a date?
Michael: I just haven't met anybody who's not completely self-absorbed and impossible to have a conversation with.
Lucille: If that's a veiled criticism about me, I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.

Lucille: I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Narrator: And Lucille was mingling with the elite of the Latino Television Academy.
Lucille: Can I get a vodka tonic, please? I'd like a vodka tonic, please. Vodka tonic, please. A sea of waiters, and no one will take a drink order.

Lucille: (about Buster's new girlfriend) He doesn't even know what she looks like.
Buster: I know she's a brownish area ... with points. And I know I love her!
Lucille: I'm calling Dr. Miller.

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