(referring to George Sr.'s specimens) There was 250 CCs of your father in that banana stand!

Lucille: I'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to get drunk by 1 o' clock.
Narrator: As it turns out, she had gotten up early and had taken pain medication because of a hangover-related headache. However, she mistook the drowsy-eye/alcohol warning for a winking-eye alcohol suggestion.

Lucille: I've been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol is the reason I'm here, I got news for you, bub: it's the only reason you're here too.
Michael: Hey, you're mean sober too.

Gob: Somebody just wanted to say ... (holds up Franklin) how much they missed you.
Lucille: Oh, who let that black (bleep) in? (Gob knocks her unconcious)
Buster: Hey, brother!
Franklin (Gob): Who you callin' "brother," you hook-ass --
Buster: Mother ...!
(Buster blows the rape horn and Gob knocks him out)
Geroge Sr.: What the hell kind of puppet is that on Buster's hand?

Michael: Mom, this is Ann's mother.
Lucille: Are you sure this isn't her sister?
Ann's mother: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.
Michael: Oh, what an awful thing to say Mom, please.

Dr. Stein: I'm certainly good enough to take out that appendix of yours.
Michael: Appendix?
Lucille: I don't buy it. It could be a hernia.
Tobias: Or it could be your colon. I'd want to get in there and find some answers.

Gob: Well, guess who's been fired.
Lucille: Michael fired you?
Gob: No, I fired him. As a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.

(Catching Buster and Lupe in bed)
Lucille: And yet you're too good to polish the candlesticks. You're fired!
Buster: You can't fire me. I'm your son. I'm firing you!
Lucille: I was firing Lupe.
Buster: Well, that makes more sense.

Michael: Oh, no. What, Buster, for the first time ever, doesn't want to do this?
Lucille: No, no, he does. It's just he's been so mopey.
Michael: Well, that could have something to do with the fact that a seal ate his hand.
Lucille: I don't know what it is.
Michael: I think that's what it is.
Lucille: Who knows?
Narrator: It was that.

(to George Michael) Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending some time with what's left of your uncle?

Lucille: Do you think enough time has passed to do Sonny and Cher?
George-Michael: Who?

Lucille: How's my son?
Doctor: He's going to be all right.
Lindsay Funke: Finally some good news from this guy.
George Michael Bluth: There's no other way to take that.
Doctor: That's a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
Lucille: But you said he was all right.
Doctor: Yes, he's lost his left hand. So he's going to be "all right."
Lucille: [Jumping on the doctor] You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor!

Arrested Development Quotes

She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over. And then she'll take an egg and kind of...mmmm! She calls it a 'mayon-egg.' Are you okay?

George Michael

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom