Lucille: I prayed that God take anything He wanted from us so that Buster wouldn't have to go to war.
Michael: Oh Mom. After all these years, God's not going to take a call from you.
(George Sr. & Lucille are in different cars. They almost crash).
George Sr.: Up yours, granny!
Lucille: You couldn't handle it!
Lucille: What the hell was I supposed to do? Michael Moore confronted me in front of the whole country!
Michael: First of all, it wasn't Michael Moore, it was a Michael Moore look-alike. And it wasn't in front of the whole country, it was for a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out.
(In response to Lucille's refusal to believe Buster was going to war)
Tobias: You know, Mother Lucille, there's a psychological concept known as denial that I think you're evincing. It's when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.
Lucille: You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.
Tobias: Well, if she's not going to say anything, I certainly can't help her.
Ann: (comforting Lucille) You know, when times are tough, you can always turn to the power of prayer.
Maeby: Here we go.
Lucille: Show me.
Narrator: This was a big get for god.
Lucille: Buster, nice of you to take a break from that common whore you've been dating.
Buster: She is not a whore, mother, she happens to be the new secretary of the Bluth company. And yes, she may be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be terrifying.
Lucille: She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the jokes on her because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.
Michael: I think that makes the joke on Gob.
Michael: Just find someone else to do your bidding.
Lucille: There is no one else to do my bidding!
Lindsay: I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did 'nothing' cancel?
Buster: Mom's becoming a little controlling.
Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?
Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a graham cracker out there.
Michael: [to Lucille]You baited the balcony?
Lucille: Prove it.
Lucille: I've done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he's [Buster] gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.
Michael: Well you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits until he was twelve.
Lucille: Give me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.