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Lucille: I've done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he's [Buster] gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.
Michael: Well you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits until he was twelve.

Lucille: Michael, I was almost attacked last night in my own home! I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen!
Michael: Colored? What color was he, exactly?
Lucille: Blue.

Lucille: (holding her rape horn in one hand and a fireplace poker in the other) But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. First I blow him, then I poke him.
Michael: Guy has no idea what he's in for.

Lucille: Michael, a mother doesn't have a child to give herself company. Annyong was to teach Buster a lesson.
Michael: And where is that little lesson?
Lucille: I sent him to the Milford Academy to teach him a lesson. I can't remember about what.

Lucille: You smell like a pine cone.
George Sr.: (disguised as Oscar) Yeah, that's the weed. I went to my, uh, *BEEP*hole trailer and, uh, I smoked some... Like a cigarette.

Lucille: It's so nice not to have to worry about getting pregnant. The doctor said I couldn't be a mother now if I tried.
Michael: And that was without even interviewing me.

(to Oscar, who's standing naked with his robe open) Oscar, close it! You look like the window of a butcher shop.

Michael: We have a private eye, huh?
Lucille: Oh, I hired him a hundred years ago to find out if your father was cheating on me. He never did find anything.
Michael: Well, he can't be very good then.

Lucille: (presenting Buster with a gift) A camcorder. That's so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns.
Buster: I ought to point to Uncle Oscar's Charlie Browns next time you're on top of him, Mother.
Lucille: You see how he treats me just because he thinks I'm having an affair with the boy's uncle?

Buster: They're taking me in the army. They didn't think there was enough wrong with me.
Lucille: Well, did they check everything?
Buster: Yes! They even touched my Charlie Browns.

Lucille: It's not fair to Buster. He's a nervous wreck right now. He's going into the Army, for God's sake.
Michael: You volunteered him.
Lucille: I knew you were going to throw that in my face.

Michael: (to Gob) Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 177 in total

Arrested Development Quotes

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom

(holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Buster