Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet J...
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.

Sorry I aggravated you, and just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable.

I'm still growing into my tongue.

Cam: What are we going to do?
Luke: I could start a fire.
Cam: No! But keep that in your back pocket.

Caterer: Hi there. Is your father home?
Luke: I think so. Why?

I know what sex is, it's when a man and a woman take off their underwear and get into bed.

Whatever they were doing, Dad was winning.

I think we should drag him out of his car and punch him in the stomach until he barfs.

Luke: Here's something I didn't know about mannequins: They don't have a wiener.

Luke: Dad's like crazy fun, but you're nice.
Claire: I'm nice?!?
Luke: Well, not now.

I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?

Luke: Is that Mom's apron?
Phil: It's an apron.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex