Luke: Smell Heather for me.
Phil: I always do...not.

Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet J...
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.

Sorry I aggravated you, and just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable.

I'm still growing into my tongue.

Cam: What are we going to do?
Luke: I could start a fire.
Cam: No! But keep that in your back pocket.

Caterer: Hi there. Is your father home?
Luke: I think so. Why?

I know what sex is, it's when a man and a woman take off their underwear and get into bed.

Whatever they were doing, Dad was winning.

I think we should drag him out of his car and punch him in the stomach until he barfs.

Luke: Here's something I didn't know about mannequins: They don't have a wiener.

Luke: Dad's like crazy fun, but you're nice.
Claire: I'm nice?!?
Luke: Well, not now.

I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.