Alex: Luke has ADHD.
Luke: No I don't... what is it?
Alex: I'd tell you, but you'd wander off before I get to the (Luke wanders off) H.

Luke: You had a girlfriend before mom?
Phil: I had two!

Luke: When you stuck your head in, your screamed a little.
Phil: I told you. That was the house settling.

His name is Ponce? He'd get made fun of at my school. They'd probably call him "Pants."

Wouldn't that be so cool to go to a school made out of bottles?

Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?

When you walked through a spider web... when we were playing with a Ouija board and the wind blew a door shut...

Luke [about reptile on his head]: This feels so weird, what does it eat?
Jungle Tanya: Oh just little boy brains
Alex: Well, at least Luke has nothing to worry about

Phil [about Luke]: I'm telling you that kid is a genius, there's a rainmaker
Claire: Why is your iPod in your mouth?
Luke: I'm charging it
Claire: Alex. Alex!

Alex: Did you know fencing goes back to the 12th century?
Haley: You know what's even nerdier than fencing? knowing when it began
Luke: I don't think you're a nerd, Alex
Alex: Shut up dork