Charlie: Give me in the lay of the land.
Lyndsey: You mean who in this land can you lay?

Lyndsey: I'm way past guys like you.
Charlie: What do you mean guys like me?
Lyndsey: I mean guys I have to dip ammonium before I let them anywhere near me.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.

Women reject me for 100 different reasons. White teeth would reduce that to 99 problems.

Alan