Charlie: Give me in the lay of the land.
Lyndsey: You mean who in this land can you lay?

Lyndsey: I'm way past guys like you.
Charlie: What do you mean guys like me?
Lyndsey: I mean guys I have to dip ammonium before I let them anywhere near me.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: I understand you teachers are sadly underpaid.
Miss Tuttle: That's very true.
Charlie: Well, I'd like to do my part. Can I buy you dinner?

Yeah, hi. I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working out.