It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXMac Quotes
Dennis: Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's going to blast me in the a** or the Republican who's blasting my a**?
Mac: See politics is all just one big a**-blast.
Dennis: It's a coast to coast,...
Charlie: You're going to get you're a**-blasted.
Dennis: ...nationwide a**-blasting.
When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. Dennis Reynolds, baby rapist. Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.
Mac [voice-over to smear campaign video]
Frank: Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager, raise their hand. (everyone raises their hand) The people have spoken, you're out.
Mac: So that's it? That's it. I'm fired? This is bullshit!
Frank: It's politics, man.
Mac: We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax.
Dee: Blasted in the ass?
Dennis: Mac, we have the same conversation every year. There's nothing you can do about taxes.
Dee: Uh, you guys might want to think about voting every once in a while.
Mac: [walking up to them] I've been looking for you guys everywhere...Look. I've been thinkin'...and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. I wanna help.
Charlie: What? Wait, wait, so first you wash your hands in politics and now you want back in? That's called flip-flopping, Mac! That's what Democrats do.
Dennis: Hang on a second Charlie, let's give the guy a chance to prove himself.
Mac: Yeah, yeah. Give me a chance...what should I do?
Charlie: "What should I do"? Strike one, buddy.
Dennis: You gotta bring something to the table, Mac.
Mac: All right...ah...check this out. [Goes up to woman pushing her baby in a stroller] Excuse me, hi. I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.
Woman: Oh, thank you.
Mac: Yeah, I was wondering, [stopping the stroller from moving] if you wouldn't mind if that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it.
Woman: Excuse me?
Mac: Yeah...oh. I'm sorry. He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.
Woman: You know, I'd rather not.
Mac: [stopping the stroller again] Yeah, well you know...it's...good for him and it's good for you, so I think you should maybe just give me the baby.
Woman: You know what? Please leave me alone.
Mac: OK, lady. Just give me the baby and I could get it over with as quickly as possible.
Woman: I said no!
Mac: Goddammit, just give me the baby! [tries to unbuckle the baby out of the stroller]
Woman: Somebody help me!
Charlie: This is campaign suicide, dude...
Dennis: Let's get out of here.
No, no, see you guys are taking this thing way too far, and you know what I'm going to do? Wash my hands of it. I'm washing my hands of the whole situation Lord. (Walking away from the gang) He will smite you all. God will smite you all
Mac: You can be my right hand man. You can be my Peter.
Charlie: Oh... okay I'll be your Peter.
Mac: Dress a little nicer though, 'cause you look like shit.
Frank: Hey gang, what's the action?
Dennis: What's going on here?
Frank: Asians love gambling!
Sweet Dee: You know these guys?
Frank: Yeah, from Nam.
Mac: You were in Vietnam?
Dennis: Don't get excited Mac, he was in Vietnam ten years ago on a business trip.
Mac: All right, kids, how you feeling?
Ducks' Team: Good.
Mac: Good? Doesn't sound good. Are you drinking the Red Bull? Come on, chug 'em down!
Ducks' Player: I feel sick.
Mac: That's the vitamins ripping out the inside of your stomach. That's a good thing, trust me.
Dee: You know these guys?
Frank: Ya, from 'Nam.
Mac: You were in Vietnam?
Dennis: Don't get excited Mac, he was in Vietnam 10 years ago on business trip.
Frank: Beautiful country.
Charlie: What's that made out of?
Dennis: It's a board, so it's, you know, made out of wood.
Mac: It's like particleboard.
Charlie: That's like harder than wood, dude.
Mac: It's actually softer than wood.
Mac: Dennis' mom tried to have sex with me!
Charlie: Interesting...
Mac: Yeah man, she got naked... she came on to me. I mean, that woman is straight crazy, but I think I wanna bang her, man. I know I shouldn't do it...
Charlie: I think you should do it!
Mac: What?
Charlie: Look, an opportunity like this only comes around once in a lifetime right?
Mac: Right!
Charlie: And so you'd be a fool to let it slip through your fingers.
Mac: Yeah! That's what I'm thinking! But... it's Dennis' and Dee's Mom...
Charlie: Well that means that no one ever ever is going to find out.
Mac: That doesn't make any sense...
Charlie: It doesn't have to make sense!
Mac: You're right! I'm gonna do it!
