It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXMac Quotes
Mac: You guys can't get welfare.
Dee: Uh, yeah, we can.
Mac: No, you can't. They don't give it to any jackass that walks in here. It's reserved for people who need it, okay?
Charlie: That's true...
Mac: Drug addicts. Mentally disabled. People with dependents, that sort of thing...
Frank: Charlie, you've got a lot of balls, stealing my money. This shows leadership, I am promoting you to management.
Charlie: That's why I did it.
Mac: That's why I did it too, Frank! I stole lots of your money, what do I get?
Frank: You get dick, because you are a follower and a thief.
Sweet Dee: How come Charlie...? It's not fair...
Dennis: Why would you do this to us, dad?
Frank: Because you're crackheads, children.
Charlie: Let's throw a flaming bag of poop in the window!
Mac: What? Why?
Charlie: They stamp it out, and they get poop all over their shoes!
Mac: What in the hell is that going to accomplish?
Charlie: Poop on their shoes. Their shoes, dude!
Dennis: This Jew's in for a ton of work.
Mac and Charlie: WHOA!
Dennis: Whoa, what?
Mac: Come on, man! You can't say things like that!
Dennis: I don't know what I said. What'd I say?
Charlie: Uh, you dropped a hard "J" on us.
Dennis: That is a racial slur, Charlie.
Mac: Calling somebody a Jew who is a Jew is not a racial slur.
Dennis: Where from?
Frenkel: Israel. It just got to be too dangerous. I mean, you know with everything that's happening.
Dennis: Well, that's a tough situation you got over there.
Charlie: Oh yeah, you got that whole tsunami and the...
Mac: No, not that...
Charlie: Well, the superdome thing.
Mac: No, there's no superdome...
Charlie: Well it's one of those places over there.
Mac: It's a different country, Charlie so why don't...
Charlie: Well I'm just trying to help the guy out.
Mac: Why don't you just shut up!
Mac: Well, that was awkward.
Charlie: Yes, it was.
Mac: Sort of a private conversation.
Charlie: Very much a family type moment.
Mac: We didn't need to hear any of that.
Charlie: Mm-hmm, not for our ears.
Mac: (After a pause) Wanna go to the strip club
Mac: Well, I feel awful.
Dennis: Well that's what happens when you meet an actual crippled person, you know, it just brings you down.
Mac: If the McPoyles got blown, and Charlie got blown, then why didn't I get blown?
Dennis: You're goin' to hell, dude.
Dee: Seriously.
Great. Great for you. You must be really proud of yourself. Awesome, (hands Dennis a photo) your grandfather's a Nazi.
Dee: Oh, you are being ridiculous. He's a professional football player.
Mac: No, look, I'm not talking about killing the guy. I'm just talking about going up there with a group of dudes and intimidate him, maybe break his arm.
Dee: You can't break Tom Brady's arm.
Mac: Oh yes, I can! No more Super Bowls for that pretty boy.
Dee: We talked about it, and we decided that we need to get rid of that gun.
Dennis: Oh, oh, the gun...yeah, we're getting rid of the gun.
Mac: You could have been killed. Dennis could have killed you.
Charlie: Okay, good, yes, I think that would be for the best... ah...mm...Dee, could you get me a nurse?
Dee: Yeah, sure. [exits]
Charlie: Tell me we're not getting rid of that gun.
Mac: No way!
Dennis pulls gun out of his pants]: Never.
