Thursdays 10:00 PM on FX
Its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia

Therapist: So, you prefer to be scary?
Mac: Yeah! I was big as a skyscraper now I'm as tiny as a postage stamp. (sees pen on table, picks it up) Oh. I get it. Cute. You leave this pen here and people are supposed think, 'That looks like a dick.' (stares at it for long time)

Mac: I gained and lost 60 pounds in 3 months.
Therapist: That's almost impossible.
Mac: Well, through God all things are possible, so jot that down.

Frank: (*after a bat bites him*) I just got tagged by a bat! I got tagged! Suck out the poison, Dee! I'll give you $200 if you suck it out.
(*Dee sucks on Frank's head*)
Frank: Suck it harder!
Mac: Did you swallow it?!
Dee: Yeah, I swallowed it.
Mac: Make yourself throw up!
Charlie: You swallowed the poison!
Dennis: Bats don't have poison!

Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple asses, and do a little plowing of our own. POW! (gestures a fist punch up an invisible ass)... Not gay sex.

Mac: Frank, where are you? You sound strained.
Frank: I'm stuck in a window over at Pop-Pop's house.

Charlie [Mac has joined Charlie eating disgusting old soup]: This is
why we work well together, ya know? You see free soup, you make a
decision to eat it.
Mac: It's horrible.
Charlie: It's terrible soup, but we have to stick to our decisions, right?
Mac: Yeah I can't go back on it now.

Perfect for ocular patdowns.

Mac [Puts on weird sunglasses]

I've tacked on mass.

If we get our psycho back, we get the freight train back.

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