It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Thursdays 10:00 PM on FX
Its always sunny in philadelphia
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Dennis: It's fatness, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat before your very eyes.
Charlie: And I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore. They no longer apply.
Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!
Mac: I feel like you say that all the time now.
Frank: You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.
Charlie: Wait a second, you definitely said that before.
Mac: Since we're all saying things we say all the time. I'll just reiterate. Dee, we don't care about you, or your body, or that baby bird.

Mrs. Mac: They ain't American, I don't want to know them.
Mrs. Kelly: I know. I wish they'd all go back to the desert.
Mac: It does seem like they're bonding.
Charlie: It's not really a golden girls type conversation, it's a racist conversation

Mac: Mrs. Kelly, why are you doing everything in threes?
Mrs. Kelly: So Charlie doesn't die.

Mac: Once the sun goes down you're not gonna be able to get this woman to do anything, she thrives on sunlight.
Charlie: She looks like she's never seen sunlight.

Mac: Mom was a manager of Jiffy Lube for many years.
Charle: I never heard about this.
Mac: Well, she doesn't like to brag. She started her way at the bottom and worked her way to the tippidy top.
Charlie: There's only three people at Jiffy Lube so it's not exactly a high climb.

I know that grunt. It means she's open to it.

This pool is our bootstraps. It's lifting us up to the middle class.

Mac: What about your front pockets?
Charlie: Nah, I cut them off because they were overshooting the bottom of my shorts.

Mac: Let's order some food and then we can have the delivery guy come and get us out.
Charlie: And we'll get some Chinese food because that's the classiest pool side food you can have.
Mac: Yeah, we probably shouldn't get Chinese because those delivery guys are always Chinese and he's won't understand a word we say and plus he's gonna be too short.
Charlie: Could really go for some Chinese food, though. It's gonna be good.
Mac: But we're not actually eating the food.
Charlie: I'm gonna eat the food, for sure. I'm starving.
Mac: Let me handle it. We're gonna get some pizza. He's gonna be big Italian lug and he's gonna fish us out of here.
Mac: Fish sounds good. See if they have fish there.
Charlie: I'll ask.

Mac: Bro, when you tack on mass, you sacrifice flexibility. That's just a straight up fact
Charlie: That's insane. Touch your toes.
Mac: What am I a gymnast?

All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon.

Radio Host: You gotta stop cursing.
Mac: You guys can't censor me. I'm a bit of a bad ass.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 146 in total

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.