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Mac: Do you want to shove heroin into your ass?
Charlie: Dude, I don't want to shove anything in my ass!
Mac: All right! This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are, and not have to shove anything up our asses!
- Permalink: Do you want to shove heroin into your ass? Dude, I don't want ...
Mac: Oh, man, New Orleans really had their s**t figured out!
Dennis: Oh, they totally had their s**t figured out! Except for the levees.
Mac: Right, yeah, except for the levees.
- Permalink: Oh, man, New Orleans really had their s**t figured out! Oh, th...
This music sounds like whales raping each other.
- Permalink: This music sounds like whales raping each other.
Mac: This is why people flock to places like Las Vegas and New Orleans and spring break. Because they're free to go wild. The girls go wild. The girls in Philly need a place to go wild.
Dennis: Yeah, right. I mean New Orleans was washed away in that terrible, terrible storm. We need to open up Paddy's as a haven for freedom.
Dennis: A replacement for the tragic loss of New Orleans.
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Dee: I am not a failure!
Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?
Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.
- Permalink: I am not a failure! Dennis, what is it that you call it when s...
Gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out, but I gotta go home and pay my taxes.
- Permalink: Gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out, but I gotta go h...
Dennis: Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's going to blast me in the a** or the Republican who's blasting my a**?
Mac: See politics is all just one big a**-blast.
Dennis: It's a coast to coast,...
Charlie: You're going to get you're a**-blasted.
Dennis: ...nationwide a**-blasting.
- Permalink: Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's going to blast me i...
When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. Dennis Reynolds, baby rapist. Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.Mac [voice-over to smear campaign video]
- Permalink: When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was ...
Frank: Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager, raise their hand. (everyone raises their hand) The people have spoken, you're out.
Mac: So that's it? That's it. I'm fired? This is bullshit!
Frank: It's politics, man.
- Permalink: Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager, rais...
Mac: We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax.
Dee: Blasted in the ass?
Dennis: Mac, we have the same conversation every year. There's nothing you can do about taxes.
Dee: Uh, you guys might want to think about voting every once in a while.
- Permalink: We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax. Bla...
Mac: [walking up to them] I've been looking for you guys everywhere...Look. I've been thinkin'...and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. I wanna help.
Charlie: What? Wait, wait, so first you wash your hands in politics and now you want back in? That's called flip-flopping, Mac! That's what Democrats do.
Dennis: Hang on a second Charlie, let's give the guy a chance to prove himself.
Mac: Yeah, yeah. Give me a chance...what should I do?
Charlie: "What should I do"? Strike one, buddy.
Dennis: You gotta bring something to the table, Mac.
Mac: All right...ah...check this out. [Goes up to woman pushing her baby in a stroller] Excuse me, hi. I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.
Woman: Oh, thank you.
Mac: Yeah, I was wondering, [stopping the stroller from moving] if you wouldn't mind if that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it.
Woman: Excuse me?
Mac: Yeah...oh. I'm sorry. He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.
Woman: You know, I'd rather not.
Mac: [stopping the stroller again] Yeah, well you know...it's...good for him and it's good for you, so I think you should maybe just give me the baby.
Woman: You know what? Please leave me alone.
Mac: OK, lady. Just give me the baby and I could get it over with as quickly as possible.
Woman: I said no!
Mac: Goddammit, just give me the baby! [tries to unbuckle the baby out of the stroller]
Woman: Somebody help me!
Charlie: This is campaign suicide, dude...
Dennis: Let's get out of here.
- Permalink: I've been looking for you guys everywhere...Look. I've been thin...
No, no, see you guys are taking this thing way too far, and you know what I'm going to do? Wash my hands of it. I'm washing my hands of the whole situation Lord. (Walking away from the gang) He will smite you all. God will smite you all
- Permalink: No, no, see you guys are taking this thing way too far, and you ...