Mrs. Mac: They ain't American, I don't want to know them.
Mrs. Kelly: I know. I wish they'd all go back to the desert.
Mac: It does seem like they're bonding.
Charlie: It's not really a golden girls type conversation, it's a racist conversation

Mac: Mrs. Kelly, why are you doing everything in threes?
Mrs. Kelly: So Charlie doesn't die.

Mac: Once the sun goes down you're not gonna be able to get this woman to do anything, she thrives on sunlight.
Charlie: She looks like she's never seen sunlight.

Mac: Mom was a manager of Jiffy Lube for many years.
Charle: I never heard about this.
Mac: Well, she doesn't like to brag. She started her way at the bottom and worked her way to the tippidy top.
Charlie: There's only three people at Jiffy Lube so it's not exactly a high climb.

I know that grunt. It means she's open to it.

This pool is our bootstraps. It's lifting us up to the middle class.

Mac: What about your front pockets?
Charlie: Nah, I cut them off because they were overshooting the bottom of my shorts.

Mac: Let's order some food and then we can have the delivery guy come and get us out.
Charlie: And we'll get some Chinese food because that's the classiest pool side food you can have.
Mac: Yeah, we probably shouldn't get Chinese because those delivery guys are always Chinese and he's won't understand a word we say and plus he's gonna be too short.
Charlie: Could really go for some Chinese food, though. It's gonna be good.
Mac: But we're not actually eating the food.
Charlie: I'm gonna eat the food, for sure. I'm starving.
Mac: Let me handle it. We're gonna get some pizza. He's gonna be big Italian lug and he's gonna fish us out of here.
Mac: Fish sounds good. See if they have fish there.
Charlie: I'll ask.

Mac: Bro, when you tack on mass, you sacrifice flexibility. That's just a straight up fact
Charlie: That's insane. Touch your toes.
Mac: What am I a gymnast?

All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon.

Radio Host: You gotta stop cursing.
Mac: You guys can't censor me. I'm a bit of a bad ass.

Mac: Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand?
Sailor: Diabetes.
Mac: That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.