Manny: Luke I need you for this. You're sneakier than I am, you a bigger liar, you have no moral compass.
Luke: Look thanks for all the compliments, but breaking into one stupid party? That's not even a challenge.

Occupado big guy, find another foxhole.

I know this whole thing is a little scary for you. Last time you were pregnant you kind of did it alone because dad wasn't around much, but this time you have two partners.

What if this baby doesn't think things through, it's part Jay!

Oh please, I was an anomaly, I self potty trained.

I may not be the tallest or the most athletic, but someday I'll be the richest which is good because the ladies love that. And I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M!
Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

I believe I made it clear the bedrooms were off limits. Young lady, I don't think you're ready up here for what you're planning to do up there.

The librarian told me that one day I'll be a great catch.

I always thought of women as the more evolved sex, but after today...I've seen things Jay.

Luke: My mom hates messes.
Manny: I'm familiar with Claire.

She's like a dream, wrapped in a wish, poured into jeggings.

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley