The librarian told me that one day I'll be a great catch.

I always thought of women as the more evolved sex, but after today...I've seen things Jay.

Luke: My mom hates messes.
Manny: I'm familiar with Claire.

She's like a dream, wrapped in a wish, poured into jeggings.

Cam, our shared bathroom is not the place to work out whatever's going on here!

I understood " crazy old witch" "go kill yourself" then "I love you."

I love gambling, it's so easy!!

Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!

Forbidden dance floor, only makes me want it more.

Stop marching, you're dancing not invading Poland.

Manny: I guess I'm too proud to ask for help.
Jay: Are you kidding? She still cuts your steak.

Jay: He wants more wow. What does that even mean?
Manny: It's the Bieberization of America.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me