Manny: I wanna be home-schooled.
Gloria: Really Manny? You want me to learn you English?

You'll never go broke playing into a rich guy's ego. Write THAT down.

Manny: Hello Ma'am, do you love Christmas?
Neighbor: Actually I'm Jewish.
Manny: Well then you must appreciate a good value.

Jay, I'm gonna need you to cut me a check.

Do we book our spa appointments through you or?

Yeah, I'm just water-washing my hands.

I have a tennis racquet upstairs I only use as a bubble-bath frothier.

I only used it once, and that was to take a torte out of the oven.

Manny: Hey luke, do you realize in two years we'll both be graduating?
Luke: Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
Manny: Well, I'll be graduating.

Luke: I say we eat what we kill.
Manny: Then I guess we'll be eating the mood.

Manny: If I'm sick, I might get the chaperone sick. And without the chaperone, it's anarchy! The buddy system falls apart; the principal of last-in, first-out is ignored.
Jay: It's butterflies.
Manny: Where?

Jay: Want some coffee?
Manny: Say yes. It's french press. I was doubtful too, but I honestly can't see myself going back to drip.