Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

I'm trying to get a hold of more butts... Very funny, I don't have time for this foolishness.

Manny: These will be my last words to you.
Jay: Knock knock.
Manny: Who's there?

Manny: I see you're still forklifting.
Jackson: More like lifting the fork!
Manny: I was gonna say that!

Don't skimp on linens. Don't compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don't want the answers to.

Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?

What about this two-hour Antiques Roadshow?
Manny I'll watch it today.

Jay

Some things you can't forget you've heard. Do you know what menstruation is? I do!

You're playing fast and loose with my soul.

Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.

Hey Mom, I think my diet's working! My underwear won't stay up!

Manny: Oh no, who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same time...you try to do that.

I noticed some lovely some lovely tweens down by the kids' club, maybe we can find a nice spot near them by the pool and send over a couple of virgin Mai Tais. They may be interested in two sophisticated men like us.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 115 in total

Modern Family Quotes

Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.

Gloria

You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.

Phil
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