Manny: It was the second thing that slipped right out from under me today. The first was my childhood.
Jay: I get it.

I'm trying to get a hold of more butts... Very funny, I don't have time for this foolishness.

Manny: These will be my last words to you.
Jay: Knock knock.
Manny: Who's there?

Manny: I see you're still forklifting.
Jackson: More like lifting the fork!
Manny: I was gonna say that!

Don't skimp on linens. Don't compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don't want the answers to.

Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?

What about this two-hour Antiques Roadshow?
Manny I'll watch it today.

Jay

Some things you can't forget you've heard. Do you know what menstruation is? I do!

You're playing fast and loose with my soul.

Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.

Hey Mom, I think my diet's working! My underwear won't stay up!

Manny: Oh no, who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same time...you try to do that.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell