Manny: It was the second thing that slipped right out from under me today. The first was my childhood.
Jay: I get it.

I'm trying to get a hold of more butts... Very funny, I don't have time for this foolishness.

Manny: These will be my last words to you.
Jay: Knock knock.
Manny: Who's there?

Manny: I see you're still forklifting.
Jackson: More like lifting the fork!
Manny: I was gonna say that!

Don't skimp on linens. Don't compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don't want the answers to.

Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?

What about this two-hour Antiques Roadshow?
Manny I'll watch it today.


Some things you can't forget you've heard. Do you know what menstruation is? I do!

You're playing fast and loose with my soul.

Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.

Hey Mom, I think my diet's working! My underwear won't stay up!

Manny: Oh no, who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same try to do that.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


He's like Batman, but straight.

Mitchell [on the gardener]