Marco: Waiting for a distraction is not a plan
Megan: Well it's less fattening than your turtle plan

Megan: ...change your hair?
Marco: I'm not 16, a girl, or white

Marco: oh yes, you and the feisty twin have finally found love. Funny how that happens just as Keith decided to terminate ours
Luis: yeah i heard about that, sorry man
Marco: it's okay, this way the world maintains a love hate balance. I'm happy for you two high school musical looking misfits

Rose [referring to Sage and Luis kissing]: They look so cute
Rami: It's about damn
Marco: What is ... oh look, happy people. Alright that's it, show's over, nothing to see here!
Marco [to Luis]: You, easy to replace sous chef, hands off the queen bee and get back to work.
Marco [to Sage]: and you trouble with a capital S, stop distracting him. Young love, makes me sick

Keith: Do you ever get tired of being the Alice to all these little bratty Bradies?
Marco: I do get a little weary, mainly because I don't get to see Sam the butcher nearly enough

Megan: Will's a playboy right?
Marco: Generally speaking, absolutely
Megan: So why isn't he playing me? I'm ready to go. Wearing to go. Every night's the same -- just when we get to the good part he says "oh it's getting late" or "I have an early tennis match." I mean who plays that much tennis?

Rose: Marco, I will pay you for a protein shake
Marco: Your mother already has that covered, but I do accept tips

Luis: the final slice of a garlic clove is the most delicate, you don't want to waste any of this
Marco: Luis, you're a sous chef, not a rabbi, just cut the garlic

Sage [to Luis]: I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
Luis: Hi, I'm Luis
Marco: He's new
Sage: And now you want to touch me? Do you understand the concept of boundaries, Louis?
Luis: It's Luis
Sage: It's irrelevant

Marco: Isn't tomorrow thursday?
Megan: Leave me alone
Marco: What happened to your other egg?
Megan: I'll deal with it
Marco: Crack

Megan: I'm all about having lots of eggs in the basket. Yes, yes, I might like one egg more than the other but the fact that I have other eggs puts the pressure off the one egg I like really like so it won't crack
Marco: I have no idea what you just said but now I'm jonesing for an omelet

Megan: I can't believe you were listening to us yesterday
Marco: You can't? That's adorable

Privileged Quotes

Boss [about Megan's hair]: It's just so bright
Megan: Everyone loves Lucille Ball but no one does anything about it.
Boss: This isn't about the hair, though it is really distracting...

Hey lady, i can see your va-jay-jay!

Random kid