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Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Leslie: Just to be clear, that was a friend punch. There was no flirtatious meaning behind that punch I just gave your arm.
Mark: I do understand. You've made it abundantly clear that there is absolutely no romantic element to our relationship.

Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Jerry: What?
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted.

Ann: I'm sorry, you don't think it's weird that my ex-boyfriend lives in a tent in the pit outside my house?
Mark: It's....not....ideal.

Mark: Maybe you should try and relax. Maybe take one of those Ativans I saw in the medicine cabinet.
Ann: Dude!
Mark: Yeah, I peaked. Also I didn't see any toothpaste. Do you use toothpaste?

Mark: Why does anyone want to run for public office, you're just asking to have your entire life exposed.
Tom: Not if you're squeaky clean like me.
Mark: You're married and you hit on women constantly.
Tom: Yeah but never sealed the deal. Just window shopping. You can fly to Brazil, just never enter the cave. Am I right? Up top!

I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.

Mark: Honestly, Leslie, it's going to be a long uphill battle. You are going to be super-annoyed with all the people who want you to fail. There is a sea of red tape, endless road blocks. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Leslie: Screw it. I'm gonna try to do it anyway.

Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know.

Leslie: Ann's in trouble. We think it might be pills.
Mark: What?
Leslie: No. That's a lie. But this is just as important. We need you to look at a piece of art.

Leslie: I've seen you sketch things.
Mark: Uh, yeah. Like poles for stop signs.
Leslie: That everybody stops and looks at.
Mark: By law, Leslie. They're required to.

[to Leslie] I'm going to say something and I don't want you to take it the wrong way ... but you are being a huge dork.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 31 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April
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