How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Lily [on the phone]: Hey, baby. It's lunchtime, and I love you.
Marshall [on phone in front of co-workers]: I reciprocate in principle, although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end.
Lily: No, I love you more.
Marshall: Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out? (pause) Those sound like agreeable terms, although I may need to adjust my briefs

He is the manager of the Paramus Waldorf. You come to Paramus, we will hook you up!

Marshall: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
Barney: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri County Laser Tag Co Champion.

Ted: I need to grow up. Oh by the way I'm breaking a jinx swear here so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat.
Marshall: Sure, pretty standard.

Ted: Barney, or should I say Borrowney?
Marshall: You should never say that.

Robin: Marshall it doesn't matter. Cause you'd lose anyway and you know why? Cause I'm Sparkles bitch!
Marshall: Oh and you think you can to me? You think you could step up to the streets? To me? You think you could step up, over me, to the streets?

Lily: Wait a minute. You're going to date two girls at once? Don't you think you should just choose one before it gets serious?
Ted: Define serious.
Lily: Well that's complicated. I guess you have to weigh expectations, emotional investments...
Marshall: Third base, serious at third base.

Marshall: Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are.
Barney: That is a lie!
Marshall: It is not a lie.
Barney: Okay, that's it! You and me! I'm not afraid of you!
Marshall: I'll show you things you never seen before!
Barney: I used to box in the Army

Ted: She didn't even give me the signal!
Barney: What, is she gonna bat her eyes at you in morse code? [bats eyes] Ted... kiss me. No! You just kiss her!
Ted: Not if you don't get the signal!
[Barney spontaneously kisses Marshall]
Barney: Did Marshall give me the signal?
Marshall: No! [to Lily] I didn't, I swear!

Marshall: Oh you're wearing a flower.
Barney: Thank You!
Marshall: I didn't compliment, just observed.

Nobody wakes up and says "today I'm going to star in a YouTube video!"

Looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 327 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney
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