Favorite Marshall Eriksen Quotes
Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest things in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry
Lily [on the phone]: Hey, baby. It's lunchtime, and I love you.
Marshall [on phone in front of co-workers]: I reciprocate in principle, although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end.
Lily: No, I love you more.
Marshall: Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out? (pause) Those sound like agreeable terms, although I may need to adjust my briefs
Marshall: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
Barney: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri County Laser Tag Co Champion.
Ted: I need to grow up. Oh by the way I'm breaking a jinx swear here so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat.
Marshall: Sure, pretty standard.
Ted: Barney, or should I say Borrowney?
Marshall: You should never say that.
Lily: Wait a minute. You're going to date two girls at once? Don't you think you should just choose one before it gets serious?
Ted: Define serious.
Lily: Well that's complicated. I guess you have to weigh expectations, emotional investments...
Marshall: Third base, serious at third base.
Marshall: Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are.
Barney: That is a lie!
Marshall: It is not a lie.
Barney: Okay, that's it! You and me! I'm not afraid of you!
Marshall: I'll show you things you never seen before!
Barney: I used to box in the Army
Ted: She didn't even give me the signal!
Barney: What, is she gonna bat her eyes at you in morse code? [bats eyes] Ted... kiss me. No! You just kiss her!
Ted: Not if you don't get the signal!
[Barney spontaneously kisses Marshall]
Barney: Did Marshall give me the signal?
Marshall: No! [to Lily] I didn't, I swear!
Marshall: Oh you're wearing a flower.
Barney: Thank You!
Marshall: I didn't compliment, just observed.
Nobody wakes up and says "today I'm going to star in a YouTube video!"
Looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.
Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.