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How-i-met-your-mother

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.

All hail Beercules!

I did it again!

Marshall: A certain delicate flower cried all night in the shower.
Lily: And I was pretty bummed too.

My sperm is fine!

I love you and I'm going to love the crap out of whatever kind of baby we have.

How can you be a New Yorker and never have seen Woody Allen?

Oh that's super interesting but you have a small penis.

Marshall: If I could nail any celebrity, it'd be Lily. She's the star of my heart.
Lily: For me, it would be Hugh Jackman

Ted: Every three years we sit down and Tril it up, agreed?
Marshall: A-greedo.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 327 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Ted
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