Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

Lily Pad? We're having a boy!

Marshall: Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are.
Barney: That is a lie!
Marshall: It is not a lie.
Barney: Okay, that's it! You and me! I'm not afraid of you!
Marshall: I'll show you things you never seen before!
Barney: I used to box in the Army

I don't know, homegirl is pretty diabolical.

You smeared the Pu name.

I did it again!

Lily: What are you bitches doing here?
Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Oh he's napping.

Marshall: Beer be with you...
Ted: And also with you.

Marshall: Yeah, look around. The universe is mysterious and awesome. You got the Bermuda triangle, ghosts, Big Foot.
Robin: Bad maps. Creaky houses. Hillbilly in a gorilla suit.
Marshall: Aliens? [Robin shakes her head] Oh, come one, you gotta give me aliens. Stonehenge. Area 51. There's alien crap all over the place.
Robin: You can't be serious.
Marshall: My friend, you just poked the bear

Eriksen men are hella fertile.

You "right now-ed" Scooter?

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney