Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.

My sperm is fine!

Marshall: Where are we going?
Garrison Cootes: War son, we're going to war.

OK after Thanksgiving I'm cutting out carbs.

Robin: I'm so sorry, you must think I'm totally disgusting.
Marshall: I totally do.

Lily: Okay but hurry, or I'm gonna start doing number eleven on my own.
Marshall: You can do that by yourself?
Lily: Pilates bitch!

It's fascinating how profoundly little I know about vaginas.

I don't know, homegirl is pretty diabolical.

No Barney, I'm never going to talk to my dad again.

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney