Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

We're gonna need a bigger booth.

Marshall: This is not that uncommon! You know, in Thailand, in China, in Costa Rica, and in many other places where monkey crime is an extremely common occurrence, their social dynamics are predicated upon stealing!
Lily: You got mugged by a monkey!

Eriksen men are hella fertile.

You "right now-ed" Scooter?

Marshall: Well it's official. I'm going to be Judge Marshall Eriksen.
Ranjit: That is great. Can you help me get a driver's license?
Barney: A what?

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Marshall: We're adorable
Lily: We're Marshmallow and Lilypadad bitch!

Barney: Did the robber have five o'clock shadow and a ski cap?
Marshall: Yes, because I was robbed in 1947 at the corner of Abbott and Costello.

We got a ten!

Lily: For Ted's sake I hate to say this but, pay up.
Marshall: Not yet.

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney