How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Gael: Gael.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
Gael: Gael.
Barney: ...Kyle?
Gael: Gael.
Marshall: ...Girl?
Robin: It's pronounced Guy-el.
Gael: It means joyful. That is why I live my life joyfully, and give to others. Especially those less fortunate than I.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

Can I borrow an adult diaper?

Goudas up Ted, don't sleep on the gouda!

Oh, you went around the bride. Oh, this hornet's nest looks harmless. Maybe I'll poke it with a stick. Oh, look, some gremlins, let me go feed them after midnight

Hey I'm not gay, but I'm gay for you.

Let the dinnertainment begin!

Come on, Spice Channel!

Another book! We got ... Stephen King over here!

Barney: And there's about to be one more story - I'm gonna bang Jenkins.
Ted: Wait you want to have sex with Jenkins?
Barney: With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins - you name it. I wanna wear Jenkins like a sock.

Ted: What? We agreed! I suited up!
Barney: You take too long to get ready.
Ted: What are you talking about? I got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look.
Marshall: Which takes about an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to acheive.
Barney: And then he starts on his hair. Ace!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 327 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney