Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

Ted: What is an ETR?
Barney: It's an Employee Transition Room.
Ted: What does that mean?
Barney: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
Marshal: People get fired here

Lily, at our apartment, you're the one who pees on the floor.

Robin: He's looking for Lily. Should I give him her number?
Marshall: Yeah we've already discussed it. It's four million dollars cash.

Oh, you went around the bride. Oh, this hornet's nest looks harmless. Maybe I'll poke it with a stick. Oh, look, some gremlins, let me go feed them after midnight

Ted: How's the open marriage going? Who was the first to get to five numbers?
Lily: I won that race. My prize, sex in the bathroom.
Marshall: And I won that race!

Marshall: A certain delicate flower cried all night in the shower.
Lily: And I was pretty bummed too.

Ted: There aren't any black people in Minnesota?
Marshall: Not if Prince is on tour

I did it again!

You smell that? That's the smell of urine that isn't Marvin's.

Looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.


Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.