How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Can I borrow an adult diaper?

Gael: Gael.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
Gael: Gael.
Barney: ...Kyle?
Gael: Gael.
Marshall: ...Girl?
Robin: It's pronounced Guy-el.
Gael: It means joyful. That is why I live my life joyfully, and give to others. Especially those less fortunate than I.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?

Ted (sipping a beer): This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed Church!
Marshall: You're welcome, God.

Marshall: It was completely terrifying.
Barney: It was completely terrifying.
Marshall: What are you doing?
Barney: Rehearsing. I'm totally going to pretend it happened to me later.

Lily: So if those guys pressure you to smoke, what do you say?
Marshall: Only when I'm drunk.
Lily: Good boy

Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Marshall: You got nothing on me.
Barney: The calzone?
Marshall: Checkmate.

Hang in there Scoots I'm not gonna live forever.

Ted: How's the open marriage going? Who was the first to get to five numbers?
Lily: I won that race. My prize, sex in the bathroom.
Marshall: And I won that race!

I did it again!

No Santa needs protein.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 327 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney
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