How I Met Your Mother

Marshall Eriksen Quotes (Page 12)

Ted: What's Lily gonna say when she finds out.
Marshall: Lily's not going to find out. I have a system.
[five seconds later]
Lily: You smoked.
Marshall: Dammit!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: This is it. Last. Cigarette. Ever!
Ted: What are you doing? You haven't smoked in six months? Is this about the McRib? Seriously, dude. Let it go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: If I can't even get my best friends to watch my show, then what viewers can I possibly get?
Marshall: Lots of people! Bed-ridden insomniacs ... bums peering in department store windows ... people in the ER, where the TV is in a cage and you can't change the channel ...
Lily: Ooh, do you have any stalkers?
Robin: Yeah, but even Leonard won't watch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Come on, take it to the roof, we said no smoking after you torched the throw rug doing push ups.
Marshall: Yeah, God robin. Not only is that a filthy habit... but can I bum one?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I work for Goliath National Bank, the most evil place in history!
 • Rating: Unrated

Old Marshall: It's not that the wings are too hot, it's that I already had wings earlier. Much earlier.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you.
Marshall: Lily.
Robin: Mike Shacks.
Barney: That girl over there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I bequeath to you ... the fourth slap.
Ted: Are you saying what we think you're saying?
Marshall: Probably not. Unless you think I'm saying Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap, in which case that's exactly what I'm saying!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Mickey: I'm fighting a losing battle with hemroids here.
Marshall: Oh that's of the diseases [from the board game]?
Mickey: No.
 • Rating: Unrated

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