How I Met Your Mother

Marshall Eriksen Quotes (Page 18)

[Marshall's cell phone rings]
Marshall: Hey buddy...I'm married Barney, I cannot be your new wingman.
[Robin's cell phone rings]
Robin: No
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: I mean, do you know what you're gonna want for lunch ten weeks from now?
Marshall: Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake.
 • Rating: Unrated

Trish: All right. Start with a hundred push-ups!
Marshall: All right, cool. How many do you want me to do?
Trish: A hundred.
Marshall: Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech. A hundred push-ups. Like do a bazillion push-ups. No one can do a hundred.
Trish: (sniffing) Do you smell that?
Marshall: No.
Trish: Smells like there's a little bitch in my gym. Are you being a little bitch in my gym?
Marshall: No.
Trish: Then get on the floor and give me a hundred!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Well guys, have fun.
Ted: Woah, this is gonna be a major cleanup.
Everyone [saluting]: Major Cleanup!
Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time now, aren't we?
Robin: That's the general idea.
Everyone [saluting]: General Idea!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I'm not scared.
Marshall: Then why is your right cheek twitching?
Barney: I'ts not.
Marshall: Maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the Time-Slap Continuum!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: See what I got going on here, they're turkeys but they're also hands. Because later we're going to eat turkey, and then I'm going to slap you in your face
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days!
Marshall: Yes it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge!
Ted & Robin [saluting]: General Knowledge!
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Ted: I mean, you got used to Lily's loud chewing, right?
Marshall:... Lily doesn't chew loudly.
Ted: Dude. This isn't news. Why do you think I call her Chewbacca?
Marshall: I suspect because she's loyal, wears shiny belts, and I resemble a young Harrison Ford
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: If I have to wait until my results come in the mail, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Barney: Based on that grocery list, I'd say diabetes is a bigger worry
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: [looking for his password] Jelly beans, fluffernutter, gummi bears, ginger snaps- this is a grocery list.
Robin: For who, a witch building a house in the forest?
Marshall: Sugar helps me study.
Barney: This is the kind of shopping a ten-year-old does when he's alone for the weekend.
Lily: Who leaves a 10 year old alone for the weekend?
Barney: And your mom was perfect.
 • Rating: Unrated

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