How I Met Your Mother

Marshall Eriksen Quotes (Page 31)

Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: ... Not awkward, guys. Not awkward unless we let it be awkward
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: All right, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up
 • Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

Marshall: Personally, I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. It's the least painful way you can do it. Who are you calling?
Lily [into phone]: Hi, Marshall, it's Lily, we're not gonna have sex for at least a month. But you're awesome. OK, bye-bye
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: [hitting Ted] Who breaks up with somebody on their answering machine on their birthday?!
Marshall: Yeah, dude, e-mail
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Ted, get in the cab. Marshall, you too.
Marshall: Uh I wish I could but I think me and Lily...
Barney: I understand. [to Ted] Come on!
Ted: Why can Marshall say no?
Barney: Uhh, because he's getting laid.
Marshall: Consistently
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Back off, hombre. I'm not that afraid to fight you. You wanna test this, guy? Be my guest.
Lily: Marshall, he's gay.
Marshall: Oh, thank God, I've never been in a fight before
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Robin: Lily's phone.
Marshall: Robin, where's Lily? Is she talking to some hot guy? Well, you can tell me, it's totally cool, it was my idea. Hell, I told her she could take the ring off.
Robin: Really? I thought it was kinda weird, but if you're cool with it, yeah, it's off and she's talking to some guy. Do you want me to go over and...
Marshall: No, don't interrupt, it's awesome. So, the ring's really off. Awesome. Well, just tell her I called. And tell her that she's... awesome. [hangs up phone] Really, really awesome. Our relationship is built on mutual trust. Can't breathe
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall.
Ted and Lily: I will not have sex with Marshall
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: Hey I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring. Me beautiful ring. Kinda makes wearing other stuff seem wrong... my shirt. Kinda don't wanna wear my shirt any more. Or my underwear. Oh, that's right, I'm not wearing any.
Marshall: (Stops working and looks at Lily) No underwear?
Lily: Not even slightly.
Ted: Guys. Boundaries
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Hey, don't you have a paper to write?
Marshall: Dude, you're talking to The Kid. I'm gonna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna write a 25-page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get an A. My name is Rufus and that's the Trufus.
Older Ted: He got a B-, but still. 25 pages in one night? B-? The Kid was good
 • Rating: Unrated

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