Season 2, Episode 1: "Where Were We?"
Ted: You hungry?Marshall: What's the point? I could eat some food...it's just gonna leave me.
Ted: Well, at least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping.
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Marshall [about Lily]: I should call her
Ted: No, no, if you call her when she asks you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. Now listen, whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and I will punch you in the face.
Marshall: You're a good friend Ted
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Season 1, Episode 20: "Best Prom Ever"
Marshall: It'll be cool. I'll tell you what, we'll make a game out of it. First one to stuff a hundred invitations gets a big prize.Ted: Do I look like I'm four? ... All right, what kind of prize are we talking about?
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Barney: We'll just sneak in.
Marshall: We are not sneaking in to a high school prom.
Lily: Yes we are, it's the only way.
Ted: You are getting on board with Barney's idea? Man, you really have snapped
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Season 1, Episode 19: "Mary the Paralegal"
Ted: Look, I shouldn't go.Marshall: You should definitely go, look, it's a chance to show her you are still friends and that you support her.
Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter, or even better, triple threat, hotter and bigger boobs!
Ted: That's only two.
Barney: Count again!!
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Barney: Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession.
Marshall: You really think that's true?
Barney: Oh yea, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out.
Marshall: Ah ha, so the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You've been lawyered!
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Barney: That's adorable Ted. You're such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that 1 out of every 8 adult women in America is a prostitute.
Marshall: Dude you just made that up.
Barney: Withdrawn.
Marshall: Lawyered!
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Season 1, Episode 18: "Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M."
Marshall: Ted, what does your mom always say?Ted: Nothing good ever...
Marshall: Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m.
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Marshall: Look Barney you tried I think that's great but we're going.
Barney: No! No! Come on.
Marshall: Yes!
Barney: Dude! We haven't hit legendary yet, we're only at the Le, we still got the Gen, the Da, the Ry.
Lily: Ok if were at the Le then I say we follow it up with the Tss go home.
Marshall: Oh wow you just got burned phonic style
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Marshall: Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude?
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Total Quotes: 184
