Marshall [to Barney]: Ooh girlfriend troubles, I wish I could help you but my totally awesome wife just bought me a lap dance with her body double. If you need me I'll be getting grinded like some pepper in the champagne room• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Just once I wish you guys would call me on tuxedo night
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Lily [about Barney asking Ted for permission to tell Robin his feelings]: He said that? Oh my god!! What a ground-breaking tremendous surprise!
Robin: How long have you known?
Lily: Eight months!
Robin: And you've kept it a secret since then? Good for you!
Marshall: Yeah! Wow! Good for you Lily! I mean what a bombshell! Who saw that coming!?
Robin: How long have you known?
Marshal: Seven months, twenty nine days
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Ted: What is an ETR?
Barney: It's an Employee Transition Room.
Ted: What does that mean?
Barney: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
Marshal: People get fired here
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Lily [about Canadian sex acts]: How do you know all these?
Barney: Canadiansexacts.org. It's bookmarked on the top right.
Marshal: Dot org?
Barney: Yeah, it's not for profit. They really just want to get the information out there
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.
Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it
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Robin: Thanks for coming by. I monkeyed around with the thermostat for about an hour before I realized it was the intercom.
Marshall: Yeah, I heard you swearing downstairs
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Robin: I still say this is stupid. What happened to, "As we mature, the relationship matures with us?"
Marshall: That's just something Lily read in Psychology Today. Alright, she read it in Cosmo. Alright, I read it in Cosmo. Alright, it was CosmoGirl!
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Lily [on the phone]: Hey, baby. It's lunchtime, and I love you.
Marshall [on phone in front of co-workers]: I reciprocate in principle, although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end.
Lily: No, I love you more.
Marshall: Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out? (pause) Those sound like agreeable terms, although I may need to adjust my briefs
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Ted: So, last night Robin left the pizza box out on the floor, so we had sex three times.
Marshall: Sure.
Ted: And then this morning, before I left for work, we kissed.
Marshall: Oh, that's weird. That is weird!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 161
