Ted: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?Marshall: No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one, supervolcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the earth. Number three, all footage of Evil Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily: I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: ...a hug is just like a public dry hump
Marshall: I think you're hugging wrong
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Marshall [in zombie voice making fun of Karen]: I want to eat your brain.. but only if it's organic and grass fed
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 7.5 / 10 • Permalink
Lily [to Marshall]: Hey you want to go do it in Barney's childhood bed again?
Barney: My race car bed?
Marshall: It handles great buddy
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Doctor X, you're still bragging about Doctor X?
Robin: Who's Doctor X?
Ted: Nobody knows. He was this genious mystery DJ.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Ted: His identity remains a mystery to this day.
Lily: It was Ted.
Ted: But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Lily: And your show sucked
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
[Marshall's cell phone rings]
Marshall: Hey buddy...I'm married Barney, I cannot be your new wingman.
[Robin's cell phone rings]
Robin: No
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: God sent those lice to my head like he sent the locust to Egypt: to liberate me from corporate bondage. Miracle
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: I mean, do you know what you're gonna want for lunch ten weeks from now?
Marshall: Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Trish: All right. Start with a hundred push-ups!
Marshall: All right, cool. How many do you want me to do?
Trish: A hundred.
Marshall: Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech. A hundred push-ups. Like do a bazillion push-ups. No one can do a hundred.
Trish: (sniffing) Do you smell that?
Marshall: No.
Trish: Smells like there's a little bitch in my gym. Are you being a little bitch in my gym?
Marshall: No.
Trish: Then get on the floor and give me a hundred!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Well guys, have fun.
Ted: Woah, this is gonna be a major cleanup.
Everyone [saluting]: Major Cleanup!
Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time now, aren't we?
Robin: That's the general idea.
Everyone [saluting]: General Idea!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 161
