Marshall: When you walk through the door, does it feel like you are being slapped in the face by Christmas?• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of.
Ted: Dude
Marshall: They're delicious!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: (After being slapped by Marshall) Your hands are monsterous.
Marshall: What did you expect? You've seen my penis.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Wha...I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?
Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.
Marshall: The "Ohhh..." moment?
Barney: Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
Clerk: Aaww..I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!
Lily: Really!?
Clerk: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.
Lily: Oh, so can we see a judge?
Clerk: Absolutely!
Lily: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.
Marshall: Why are you doing this to us?
Clerk: Because you're on ... Candid Camera!
Robin: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say...
Marshall: You know what, we get it.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Do you still wanna? That's like the lamest proposal ever!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Oh my God! These pancakes are delicious!
Marshall: Yes! Thank you. I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.
Lily: Wow! Do you want to cook dinner tonight?
Marshall: Yeah, sure...How about pancakes?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: She's got the..'Crazy Eyes'.
Ted: Dude...the eyes...they're CRAZY.
Marshall: What are you guys talking about, the 'Crazy Eyes'?
Barney: It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.
Ted: Nope, just pupils.
Barney: It's an indicator of future mental instability
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [commenting on Marshall's Pumpkin Latte joke]: Alright, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that: one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you! You should totally ask her out.
Marshall: You think?
Ted: Yea! That's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.
Marshall: Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups?
Ted: Mine says Ted. No heart.
Barney: Mine says S..Sw...Swarley. How'd they get "Swarley" from 'Barney'? Who would ever be called Swarley?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: So I guess that decides it.
Marshall: Yep.
Barney: Hanging out at a coffee place: not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.
Ted: ...Hey, what's that?
Marshall: What?
Ted: That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name! Somebody has a crush on you!
Barney: [in a sing-song voice as well] Somebody thinks you're me!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 161
