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Meg: Mom, I can't clean, I've got stuff to do.
Lois: Meg, we all know you don't have stuff to do

Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?

Chris: Okay, Meg. I'm thinking of another word. This time it's definitely not kitty. Can you guess what it is?
Meg: Is it kitty?
Chris: Ahh! Get out of my head! Get out of my head?

Meg: That's it, I want those cameras off!
Chris: Fourth wall, You're breaking the fourth wall!

Lois: Meg, Could you please change Stewie for me?
Meg: Fine. But if a boy calls, please don't tell them I'm wrist deep in poopy

Meg: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
Chris: A bitch

Peter: Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big christmas toy gets a huge bonus!
Chris: Why don't you invent the frisbee, dad? That's an awesome toy!
Meg: The frisbee's already been invented.
Chris: Then how come I've never heard of it?

Peter: Look I've had a good life and you can always be proud of your father in all of his accomplishments.
Meg: What accomplishments?
Peter: Go to your room

Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England

Lois: I'm so worried about your father.
Chris: You mean because he's a borderline alcoholic?
Lois: No. Mommy's made peace with that.
Chris: Oh, cause he's got a lump on his booby!
Lois: Chris, that's a terrible word! "Booby."
Meg: Mom, Debbie Miller's dad had a lump on his breast, and he turned out okay.
Lois: Really? Who's Debbie Miller?
Meg: A girl I just made up

Old Lady: What a precious little boy.
Meg: That's my ..uh, uh.. son.
Old Lady: Your son? But you're just a baby yourself. Henry, give the little skank a nice tip

Peter [about a handbag]: Oh I love you sweety. What are they like 10 bucks?
Meg: More like eleven...hundred.
Peter: Heh, you wished I loved you that much

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 134 in total

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Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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