Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Peter: Shut up, Meg!
Lois: Peter!
Chris: Dad!
Brian: You're back!
Meg: [dejectedly] Yay.

Meg: Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go downtown, and get the stuff from my P.O. box.
Chris: You don't get your mail here?
Meg: No. I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.
Chris: Like what?
Meg: Like, I'm part of a group that trashes Anne Frank's house every year.

Meg: How about I won't tell Mom and Dad about the money if you promise to do what I say.
Chris: Meg, this is how a lot of porn starts.

Meg: Well, well, well. Who do we have here?
Chris: It's me, Chris. You know me. Why are you talking like a bad guy?

Meg: Ahhhhh! Oh my God! Tobey, what happened?
Tobey: Oh, I just harvested your kidney.
Meg: Look at the size of this scar!
Tobey: Sorry, it's my first day on this job.
Meg: Well, where did you work before?
Tobey: Circuit City. So, I haven't worked in like two years.

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!

Meg: I totally hit it off with this great guy on the internet and we're finally gonna meet!
Stewie: Okay, remember to ask questions about him. Seem interested. Listen. Giggle. Swallow.

Meg: But Dad, I still don't understand that whole Immaculate Conception thing. How can anyone get pregnant without having sex?
Peter: Oh, there's lots of stories of that, Meg. Cleveland's got a cousin who had 8 girlfriends get pregnant, and he says he's not responsible for a single one.

Meg: I can only imaging what it was like for them on that very first Christmas.
Brian: Yeah, it was probably very moving. And fictional.
Stewie: Jesus lived with us for like a week, what else do you need?

Meg: Oh my god that's so disturbing.
Chris: I know, gross!
Brian: Yeah, my hearing's a lot better so I hear like, suction and stuff.

Brian: And somebody replaced Meg's sleeping pills with Alka-Seltzer.
Meg: People are going to miss me when I [long burp].

What's going on, Mom's acting interesting like a 20-year-old!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 137 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter