Meg: Alright Chris, where is it? And don't try to act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
Peter: Fine, you caught me. So I borrowed your bra, my boobs hurt when I go down the stairs!

Coroner: Meg, I'm needed upstairs, so I'll let you finish up. Just put some blush here and here, it makes the eyes look a little less dead and hollow.
Meg: Wow, that really works! Maybe I'll try that on myself!
Coroner: Oh, uh, you have what we call a 'closed casket' face.

Peter: Shut up, Meg!
Lois: Peter!
Chris: Dad!
Brian: You're back!
Meg: [dejectedly] Yay.

Meg: Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go downtown, and get the stuff from my P.O. box.
Chris: You don't get your mail here?
Meg: No. I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.
Chris: Like what?
Meg: Like, I'm part of a group that trashes Anne Frank's house every year.

Meg: How about I won't tell Mom and Dad about the money if you promise to do what I say.
Chris: Meg, this is how a lot of porn starts.

Meg: Well, well, well. Who do we have here?
Chris: It's me, Chris. You know me. Why are you talking like a bad guy?

Meg: Ahhhhh! Oh my God! Tobey, what happened?
Tobey: Oh, I just harvested your kidney.
Meg: Look at the size of this scar!
Tobey: Sorry, it's my first day on this job.
Meg: Well, where did you work before?
Tobey: Circuit City. So, I haven't worked in like two years.

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!

Meg: I totally hit it off with this great guy on the internet and we're finally gonna meet!
Stewie: Okay, remember to ask questions about him. Seem interested. Listen. Giggle. Swallow.

Meg: But Dad, I still don't understand that whole Immaculate Conception thing. How can anyone get pregnant without having sex?
Peter: Oh, there's lots of stories of that, Meg. Cleveland's got a cousin who had 8 girlfriends get pregnant, and he says he's not responsible for a single one.

Meg: I can only imaging what it was like for them on that very first Christmas.
Brian: Yeah, it was probably very moving. And fictional.
Stewie: Jesus lived with us for like a week, what else do you need?

Meg: Oh my god that's so disturbing.
Chris: I know, gross!
Brian: Yeah, my hearing's a lot better so I hear like, suction and stuff.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

I forgot Yelp was a weapon for dumb people, you taught me something today Brian.

Stewie