Meg: Oh my god that's so disturbing.
Chris: I know, gross!
Brian: Yeah, my hearing's a lot better so I hear like, suction and stuff.

Brian: And somebody replaced Meg's sleeping pills with Alka-Seltzer.
Meg: People are going to miss me when I [long burp].

What's going on, Mom's acting interesting like a 20-year-old!

Kent: Meg, please stop, I know your heart's in the right place, but...
Meg: Actually, it's not. It's a serious medical condition.
Dr. Hartman: [in flashback] Yeah, that's not supposed to be there, so she should always probably wear a hat.

Oh, I can't believe it! I'm going out on a date with Kent Lastname!

Meg: Hey Kent, it's Meg. From English class?
Kent: Uh...
Meg: And math class? And bio? And the Facebook campaign to get me to kill myself?
Kent: Oh, Meg! Hey, what's up?

There he is, the reason my bedpost is so shiny!

Meg: Oh, he's so cute!
Stewie: Oh my god, we're getting closer to the beginning! You're Lacey Chabert!

Meg: Now my Spanish teacher and I can finally hold hands in the halls!
Spanish Teacher: Donde esta la biblioteca? Because I'm gonna bang you in the biblioteca.

Ruth: Hey, you wanna dance around like morons to loud music?
Meg: I'll be right back! I've been holding in a dump since America.

Meg: "Hey, when you get sexually abused in a coma, do you know it's happening and can't do anything about it, or do you just not know what's going on?"
Quagmire: "I also am curious about that."

Meg: Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
Lois: Look who the bleep is talking!

Family Guy Quotes

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)