Meg: Hey, um, do you want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig: Heh, that's about as unlikely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own, which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How about a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes

Meg: Mom, Dad, am I ugly?
Lois: Oh, of course not sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, where did you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Craig Hoff...Craig Hoffman said that? Well he's a sharp kid, you might be ugly

Lois: I'm not comfortable with my daughter being exploited like that.
Meg: Shut up Mom! I want to be exploited

Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny

Meg: Brian! Chris picked his nose, and now he keeps touching me with finger!
Chris: What good is mining nose gold if I can't share it with the townspeople?

Genie: I am here to grant you three wishes.
Lois: Peter, three wishes. Oh this is so exciting.
Meg: I want a new hat
Chris: I want a new hat
Stewie: I want them to have new hats!

Meg: I can't believe my stupid parents are gonna spend five days following stupid old KISS around! It's painful!
Peter: Not half as painful as a tire iron upside your head.
Meg: What?
Peter: I'll miss you!

Lois: So Meg, did any of the neighbors see Jeff come over?
Meg: Mom! Come one Jeff, let's go in other room.
Lois: Now Meg, no need to get so testes, uh testy. Nuts, I mean crap!

Meg: I'm sure the money clip will be safe in my room.
Stewie: I'm sure it will be lost throughout the pictures of Justin Timberlake or Tom Cruise or ... blast, who the devil do teenagers like ... or Morgan Freeman

Meg: Oh, my God!
Mr. Pewterschmidt: He's violating Seabreeze!
Peter: No, no he's just awkwardly positioning himself--oh now he's violating Seabreeze

The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold. And it's ugly. And it's surface is plagued with deep craters and jagged peaks. Wait a minute, that's not the moon! It's Neil Goldman's face!

Meg: Chris, quit it! Mom! Chris put his foot on my side again!
Chris: I can't help it. I have these long dancer's legs.
Meg: Move it!
Stewie: Meg, stop your whining. Chris, stay on your own side. Lois, for God's sake, get off your ass and do some parenting!

Family Guy Quotes

Young Michael Jackson: The kid in me likes the frosted side.
Adult Michael Jackson: But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.

Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny