Tobias: Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse.
Michael: You can just say intercourse.

Lucille: Michael. What a surprise.
Michael: Really? Were you expecting somebody else? Maybe, uh, one of your two daughters?
Lucille: Oh, Lindsay and Tobias never visit.

Lindsay: Well, why don't you just go to Dad and ask him who Nellie is, point-blank?
Michael: So, he can just cover it up and lie? I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family.
Tobias: Oh, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.
Michael: Ok, but that's the last one.

Tobias: I find myself attracted to someone who is not my wife.
Michael: What's her name?
Tobias: Michael. ... Can you believe it?

Michael: I-I'm not interested in you that way.
Tobias: What way?
Michael: Pick one.

Narrator: ... and Michael discovers that he wasn't "N. Bluth" after all.
Michael: I have an older sister?
Narrator: So much for not abandoning family.

Michael: Gob, I'm not going to turn this mock trial into some kind of --
Gob: You were going to say "mockery," weren't you?
Michael: I was in trouble, like, three words into that.

Franklin: My name is Judge.
Gob: Whose name is Judge?
Franklin: My name is.
Michael: Okay.
Gob: That's a silly name.
Michael: That's enough.
Franklin: Judge, my name.
Gob: Yes, I am judging your name. It am silly.
Franklin: Is.
Michael: Please stop.
Gob: Oh, now, you're correcting my grammar.

Michael: Hey. What's this?
Gob: Just practicing my testimony. Needed a fake witness box.
Michael: And you couldn't have just taken my stuff off the desk first, or unplugged my computer?
Gob: Justice is swift, Michael.

Good. I ... great. I was just ... Well, don't answer for ... I, um, yeah. 'Cause I know exactly the cousin, I mean, the ... the girl I would want to give and she'll want give too. We'll ... and we'll do that together. For them, for the sake of ... I ju ... it's a great day. For being sad.

George Michael

George Sr.: Who's on the list? Any blabbers?
Michael: Well, they've got one guy who won't be talking. That is unless there's a hand inside of him.
Tobias: Oh, please, Michael. Even then, I wouldn't say anything.

Jan: You never heard anyone in your family discuss plans to either travel to Iraq or do business there?
Tobias: Well, I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts and --
Jan Your witness.
Michael: I have nothing.

Arrested Development Quotes

Um, I forget their name, but I know they're hungry. I think some are thirsty.

Lindsay

(talking about the money their fund-raiser brought in) Well, most of that money was from the Bluth Company. I mean, how ...
(Michael looks surprised) ... are you?

Tobias