Tobias: Oh, come on. Don't leave your Uncle T-Bag hanging!
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.

Gob: I will not take this sacred duty lightly. I am going to get you the single healthiest call girl that this town has ever seen.
Michael: This is why I'm calling it a witness and not a best man. All you gotta do is watch.
Gob: I'm not going to spend this kind of money and not watch!

Michael: You guys got these jackets on inside out?
Rita: Yeah, that way you see the label.
Lindsay: I mean, that's what you're paying for, right? It's a great statement on fashion.

Michael: It does seem like you've been having a lot of trouble since the hair transplants. Maybe you should see a buboman.
Tobias: A ... buboman?
Michael: A doctor. It's a British expression, like they say "go up box" instead of "elevator".
Tobias: Oh, yes. Like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist".

(After Rita has walked on the water)
Michael: Hang on a sec. That's part of your trick, right?
Gob: No, that's not my trick, Michael.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development ...
Gob: It's my illusion.

Michael: You've never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament.
Rita: Seven.
Michael: Are there?
Narrator: The answer is three.
Michael: Does sound about right.
Narrator: Three is the correct answer.

Michael: I am getting married.
George Sr.: Who the hell to?
Michael: Who do you think? Rita.
Lucille: Her?

(Talking about Rita)
Michael: You know she's amazing. You know she was in the Olympics?!
Narrator: She wasn't.
Lindsay: She's that Rita Leeds? Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek?
Narrator: No.
Michael: Yes.

George Michael: (Opening a present) Quicken Premier! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
Michael: You want to return that?
George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it!

Michael: I was at the property the Japanese funded today. The whole backside has moles.
Tobias: That's Frank's problem, too.

Michael: What's the surrogate doing here?
George Sr./Larry: We're meeting with the lawyers, so I've hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
Michael: You know, dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
Larry: He's worth every penny.
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't say that.

Gob: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant.
Narrator: Gob has been a Judge Pageant for years.
Gob: Can you believe what it does to your sex life?
Michael: I don't wanna hear it.
Gob: I don't wanna say it. First place, chick's hot, but has an attitude: doesn't date magicians. Second place, is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third of all, although a little bit plain, her super low self-esteem. So I step in and lay her 'crown' upon my sweet 'head'.
Michael: Have I missed this euphemism?

Arrested Development Quotes

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh ... Wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.