Michael: You're planning an escape.
George Sr.: How dare you? I oughta shave your head and make you sit under that camera all night, mister.

(After Rita has walked on the water)
Michael: Hang on a sec. That's part of your trick, right?
Gob: No, that's not my trick, Michael.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development ...
Gob: It's my illusion.

Michael: You guys got these jackets on inside out?
Rita: Yeah, that way you see the label.
Lindsay: I mean, that's what you're paying for, right? It's a great statement on fashion.

Gob: I will not take this sacred duty lightly. I am going to get you the single healthiest call girl that this town has ever seen.
Michael: This is why I'm calling it a witness and not a best man. All you gotta do is watch.
Gob: I'm not going to spend this kind of money and not watch!

Michael: It does seem like you've been having a lot of trouble since the hair transplants. Maybe you should see a buboman.
Tobias: A ... buboman?
Michael: A doctor. It's a British expression, like they say "go up box" instead of "elevator".
Tobias: Oh, yes. Like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist".

Michael: You've never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament.
Rita: Seven.
Michael: Are there?
Narrator: The answer is three.
Michael: Does sound about right.
Narrator: Three is the correct answer.

Michael: I am getting married.
George Sr.: Who the hell to?
Michael: Who do you think? Rita.
Lucille: Her?

(Talking about Rita)
Michael: You know she's amazing. You know she was in the Olympics?!
Narrator: She wasn't.
Lindsay: She's that Rita Leeds? Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek?
Narrator: No.
Michael: Yes.

George Michael: (Opening a present) Quicken Premier! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
Michael: You want to return that?
George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it!

Michael: I was at the property the Japanese funded today. The whole backside has moles.
Tobias: That's Frank's problem, too.

Michael: What's the surrogate doing here?
George Sr./Larry: We're meeting with the lawyers, so I've hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
Michael: You know, dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
Larry: He's worth every penny.
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't say that.

Rita: You are really quite a man, Michael.
Michael: You really think so?
Rita: Oh, yes. You are a complete and utter *bleep*. (kisses Michael and then leaves)
Narrator: I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would've been such a nice moment.

Arrested Development Quotes

Um, I forget their name, but I know they're hungry. I think some are thirsty.

Lindsay

(talking about the money their fund-raiser brought in) Well, most of that money was from the Bluth Company. I mean, how ...
(Michael looks surprised) ... are you?

Tobias