Tobias: Oh, come on. Don't leave your Uncle T-Bag hanging!
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.

Gob: I will not take this sacred duty lightly. I am going to get you the single healthiest call girl that this town has ever seen.
Michael: This is why I'm calling it a witness and not a best man. All you gotta do is watch.
Gob: I'm not going to spend this kind of money and not watch!

Michael: You guys got these jackets on inside out?
Rita: Yeah, that way you see the label.
Lindsay: I mean, that's what you're paying for, right? It's a great statement on fashion.

Michael: It does seem like you've been having a lot of trouble since the hair transplants. Maybe you should see a buboman.
Tobias: A ... buboman?
Michael: A doctor. It's a British expression, like they say "go up box" instead of "elevator".
Tobias: Oh, yes. Like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist".

(After Rita has walked on the water)
Michael: Hang on a sec. That's part of your trick, right?
Gob: No, that's not my trick, Michael.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development ...
Gob: It's my illusion.

Michael: You've never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament.
Rita: Seven.
Michael: Are there?
Narrator: The answer is three.
Michael: Does sound about right.
Narrator: Three is the correct answer.

Michael: I am getting married.
George Sr.: Who the hell to?
Michael: Who do you think? Rita.
Lucille: Her?

(Talking about Rita)
Michael: You know she's amazing. You know she was in the Olympics?!
Narrator: She wasn't.
Lindsay: She's that Rita Leeds? Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek?
Narrator: No.
Michael: Yes.

George Michael: (Opening a present) Quicken Premier! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
Michael: You want to return that?
George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it!

Michael: I was at the property the Japanese funded today. The whole backside has moles.
Tobias: That's Frank's problem, too.

Michael: What's the surrogate doing here?
George Sr./Larry: We're meeting with the lawyers, so I've hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
Michael: You know, dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
Larry: He's worth every penny.
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't say that.

Gob: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant.
Narrator: Gob has been a Judge Pageant for years.
Gob: Can you believe what it does to your sex life?
Michael: I don't wanna hear it.
Gob: I don't wanna say it. First place, chick's hot, but has an attitude: doesn't date magicians. Second place, is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third of all, although a little bit plain, her super low self-esteem. So I step in and lay her 'crown' upon my sweet 'head'.
Michael: Have I missed this euphemism?

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 491 in total

Arrested Development Quotes

(holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Buster

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom
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