Michael Kelso Quotes
Kelso: Autumn is harvest time for the farmer. At dawn, my dad and I were out in the fields, picking carrots fresh off the trees.
Hyde: Kelso, carrots don't... that's good, you should put that down.
Jackie: I can't believe you, Michael.
Kelso: What?
Jackie: You can't just maul me in front of my father!
Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie: He yelled at you to stop it.
Kelso: I thought he was yelling at you.
Gus: So tell me, did it hurt?
Kelso: What?
Gus: When you fell down from heaven!
Kelso: No, I'm fine.
Kelso: I don't see why you can't just serve us our food, Frank. We are paying customers, you know?
Frank: Hey, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so that I could serve hot dogs to teenagers.
Kelso: You have both your legs, Frank.
Frank: Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam.
Kelso: I miss Eric.
Jackie: Well, you still have me.
Kelso: It's not the same Jackie! I can talk to Eric about things thatthat I can't talk about with you.
Jackie: Ok, well like what.
Kelso: Well, for instance, the annoying things that you do.
Donna: Where's Buddy?
Eric: Oh, Buddy! Um. Well, Buddy got busy, so...
Jackie: I mean, I'm sure he has a lot to do. He is "popular."
Fez: Yes and so obviously gay!
Jackie: Buddy is not gay!
Kelso: Please, Fez. That's just stupid! If Buddy was gay he would have been all over me!
(waiting for Eric and wondering where he is)
Kelso: Maybe we should check the school morgue.
Hyde: Kelso, the school doesn't have a morgue.
Kelso: Then what do we pay all those taxes for?
Hyde: You know what kills me? You do better in school than I do.
Donna (to Jackie and Kelso): Finally. Where have you guys been?
Kelso: We had to look for the paper, and eat, and then some stuff happened, you know.
Eric: Your shirt's on inside out.
Kelso: Yeah, that's the stuff.
(Donna leaves after finding out that Eric kissed Laurie's friend, Kate)
Kelso: I guess Donna didn't take it very well.
Red: Take what well?
Kelso: Eric made out with Kate.
Red: Anything else?
Fez: Your son is a whore!
Red: Kelso, stop saying "porno."
Kelso: I didn't say it, Mr. Forman, Fez did.
Fez: You are a bitch.
Kelso: Eric, The Omen's playing in the drive-in! You know what this means for us?... It's make-out city!
Eric: I really like you as a friend Kelso... Can I bring a girl?
Fez: I am telling you. I heard it. The devil is singing backwards on the record!
Hyde: It's not the devil, man! It's congress. They passed a secret law to put backward messages in our records, man! They wanna kill rock 'n roll because they know it makes us horny, man!
Eric: Doesn't pretty much everything make us horny? (stuffs a Twinkie in his mouth)
Kelso: Cartoons make me horny! Oh, and food!
