The Office

Michael Scott Quotes (Page 71)

Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like, what happens to a chicken when you take its head away? It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Five, four, three. "There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
Pam: One day for what?
Michael: That's... they always give an ultimatum.
Pam: OK.
Michael: Good, cut?
Pam: Cut. That was your best apology video ever.
Michael: Thought so too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not...
Pam: It's just the Scranton Times...
Michael: No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. Then... YouTube gets a hold of it...
Pam: You know what? I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over in like a week or two.
Michael: You're right. It will blow over. But it's not... going to take... a week or two. [pulls out a video camcorder from his desk] Do you know what this is for?
Pam: Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What... can I do, for you?
Barbara: I, for starters, I think that you should resign.
Michael: Well... [exhales] OK, well... Um, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the paper mill-
Barbara: You're the head-
Michael: The guys at the paper mill- No no no!
Barbara: You're the head of the company!
Michael: I'm the head of the company?!
Barbara: Yes, and that makes it your responsibility---
Michael: No, I'm a regional manager---
Barbara: And so you should lose your job!
Michael: No- my- OK, this is insane. You can get out of here. Get out!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come in here, and meet with me, for a personal apology. The press wants a story, I will give them a story.
Jim: Oh, did the press ask for a story?
Michael: Here is your headline. "Scranton Area Paper Company, Dunder Mifflin, apologizes to valued client. Some companies still know how business is done." Okay? Battle stations everybody, let's go, go, go, go, go, go!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, sent out their prom invitations on this paper. Went home to all the kids.
Jim: Yeah, I gotta call out on that.
Michael: No, no, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. I want you in the school. In person.
Jim: All right.
Michael: I want you to bring a partner.
Ryan: I'll go.
Michael: No, sweet cheeks. We need someone who's actually made a sale. Andy, you go.
Andy: William Dolittle at your service. A.K.A., Will Do.
Jim: Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!