The Office

Michael Scott Quotes (Page 79)

Toby: Hey I need to talk to you right now.
Michael: Not now, not ever.
Toby: About you and Jan.
Michael: Aww, none of your business.
Toby: Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship.
Michael: That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops.
Toby: Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now.
Michael: This is probably the icebreaker you need.
Toby: You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR.
Michael: I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv.
Toby: All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it.
Michael: No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo?
Toby: All right, thanks Michael.
Michael: OK.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Darryl?! Hey. Hi. Where's Darryl?
Roy: He's in the office.
Michael: OK, Hey, man, how's it going?
Darryl: All right, what's up Mike?
Michael: That's great, OK. Um, so did you get an email from me?
Darryl: Yup.
Michael: OK. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not "packaging." Did you already, um, forward to a whole bunch of people?
Darryl: Uh huh.
Michael: OK. Um, well, did you get the second email that I sent? Explaining that the first email was a mistake and that you should delete it.
Darryl: Yup.
Michael: And you sent that out to everyone?
Darryl: Mike, I'm very busy down here.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it can get us both in trouble. So officially, I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night. And in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say... Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Jan? You complete me.
Jan: ... Oh god.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Pam: [seeing a picture of Michael and Jan] Oh my God, is that Jan?
Michael: No... that's a German woman named... Urkel... grue.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Michael: Why do I feel like crap?
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael: I had a rebound.
Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but when it's over... you're left thinking about the girl you really like. The one that broke your heart.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Michael: Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Michael: I need my entourage. Jim, Dwight, Ryan, c'mon - we're going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan: I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night.
Michael: Alright, feel better.
Jim: Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. Look alive, Halpert.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is cancelled.
Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael: Keep it up Stanley and you'll lose New Year's.
Stanley: What's that mean?
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops. With mint...
Pam: Can I help you, Michael?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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