The Office

Michael Scott Quotes (Page 87)

Michael: Two queens at casino night... I am gonna drop a deuce on everybody.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby?
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooters is catering, and is that - is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it... not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute?
Angela: You already did me.
Michael That's what she said.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Here's a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls." Join the club.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: [reading Dwight's complaints] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer... Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room, when I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: OK, so Dwight, in your own words: "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert... Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
Jim: [to camera] Yes. Five bucks each, and it was totally worth it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone, 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Alright, Kevin... you are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela, that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that make him feel uncomfortable.
Kevin: I accept your decision.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Creed... Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: Nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only." Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
 • Rating: Unrated

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