Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work, and if I ever start acting like that weeny Gabe, I want you to take that gun and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin, until I'm dead. Okay?

You know how these things go...construction projects, they say three months and then after two years the lazy bums haven't even started. Now we're those lazy bums.

I don't even know how to say this, but Cece is turning out to be a little b-*-t-c-h.

Halloween should be a day where we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.

As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up 8,000 percent in sales.

Dwight: People can't keep their true natures hidden for long and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire.
Michael: Testify.

Michael: Why don't you go outside take a shot of insulin and have a nap?
Stanley: Why do you always assume I have Diabetes?
Michael: I don't know. Your frame. Your build. Why don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me you're not a Diabetic?

Dwight: There he is.
Michael: Oh no, that's a male model.

I take spinning classes three times a month, I think I know how to ride a bike.

Carol: Did you have a doctor check it out?
Michael: I'm between specialists right now.

Helene: What did you think we were?
Michael: Just a quirky indy movie, weird sort of thing.

Holly: Michael, you cried at that tag line for a movie you made up.
Michael: He had no arms or legs. He couldn't see, hear or speak. This is how he led a nation.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.

Andy