Michael: Did you pee on a stick?Jim: I did. It was inconclusive.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: [on ultrasound pic] Oh my god! Pam! Look at that! That is the inside of your vagina!
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: The one true rumor ... and this it going to ruin this person's life, is that-
Jim: Pam's pregnant!
Kevin: I knew it! At first, I thought, 'Oh, Pam's breasts are a little bit bigger. She must have gotten a new bra with padding. But then I thought, Pam doesn't NEED padding.' It just didn't add up, Jim.
Jim: Okay. Thanks.
Dwight: Who's the father?
Pam: Jim.
Creed: Who's the OB-GYN?
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I didn't find a perfect moment, because I think that today was just about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how they found each other. I will see her every now and then, and... Maybe one year she'll be with somebody, and the next year, I'll be with somebody, and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Probably shouldn't have mentioned Buffalo.
Holly: Hindsight.
Michael: Should've had hindsight.
Holly: How do you think it went before the Buffalo thing?
Michael: I think it went well. I think it was good.
Holly: There weren't any laughs.
Michael: No, it was a tough audience.
Holly: Yeah, but we wrote it specifically for this audience.
Michael: Believe me, I have seen a lot of tough audiences in my time, and that was one of them.
Holly: Well, I'm glad we did it.
Michael: Me too. [long pause] We have a lot of good material for next year's sketch.
Holly: I can't wait.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
David: How could you possibly think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic?
Michael: Well... I didn't know they didn't know.
David: What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little bit for his comedy sketch, and he thought, "oh, this would be really funny."
Michael: Thank you.
David: Damn it, Michael, I told you that in confidence. Now I have to go over and deal with these employees and their families. A little boy just walked up to me and said, "is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?"
Michael: Well, he's just thinking about his own gifts.
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Holly: The economic downturn has been difficult recently, forcing the closures of both Camden and Yonkers, to be followed soon by what other branch? For five-hundred thousand dollars, is it A.) Scranton, B.) Buffalo, C.) Utica, or D.) toothbrush!
Michael: I will say B, Buffalo! Final answer!
Holly: That is correct!
Man from Buffalo: What is he talking about?
Holly: [pantomimes biting off Michael's fingers, Michael screams] How did you know that?!
Michael: David Wallace told me!!
Woman from Buffalo: David, is this true?
David: Uh, okay everyone, we're at a picnic today...
Man from Buffalo: Are we losing our jobs or not, David?
Holly: They didn't know?
Michael: I guess not.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: We could do a movie... sort of thing.
Holly: [gasps] We could do Back to the Future.
Michael: Oh!
Holly: We have to convince Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time... fix their parents. [both laugh]
Michael: Could we get a Delorean?
Holly: Jaws. They swim in the ocean and they terrorize the whole community.
Michael: Oh! [to the theme of "Jaws"] Dun-der. Dun-der...
Holly: Dun-der. Dun-der...
Michael: Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Blooo!! [both laugh]
Holly: Oh... We haven't found our great idea yet.
Michael: No. No.
Holly: Oh.
Michael: We're circling it.
Holly: Hmm...
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Michael: What is up with you two, Holly?
Holly: Um, not much.
AJ: We're designing a house.
Michael: Cool. For who?
AJ: For us.
Michael: Wow... I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.
Holly: I remember your chair pants idea. [laughs]
AJ: I like that. Put me down for a pair. I'm a size 34 waist.
Michael: All right, fatty. I will do it. You know what, we should actually rehearse.
Holly: Okay, yeah.
AJ: You guys are really gonna do this?
Michael: You bet your fat ass we are.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The ... and the reason is... because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 806
