Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day? Naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.Jim: You mean on a weekend.
Michael: [pause] Yes.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.
Michael: Mmm. Well to be fair, Jim... James. Jimothy? [Jim nods] To be fair, Jimothy, ah that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?
Jim: I am.
Michael: Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets. At first we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets... and I think by the end we learned a little bit about how small we are.
Jim: Yes, I agree, and-
Michael: Because it's a big universe and we're all just little tiny specks, of dust.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: David Wallace and I have talked and we have decided to promote Jim to the position of co-manager.
Stanley: Co-manager of what?
Michael: Of ... your butt!
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Michael: That was an anomaly ... that file had been falsified ... Toby Flenderson is doing drugs!
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: Wallace just HAD to show up. On the one four-month period where I'm completely overwhelmed.
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Michael: Hey. What do you think he and David are talking about? What do you...
Pam: Um. I donno.
Michael: You said good luck to Jim and he walked in.
Pam: Did I? Doesn't sound like me. Not very superstitious.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I just don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Michael: I just don't want you to.
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Michael: If you are lying to me, right now, Pam, your baby is going to come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk.
Pam: Please don't talk about my breast milk.
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Michael: Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? No. Because we are the three amigos. And once in a while, one of the amigos will go off, to the bathroom, while the other two have a secret meeting.
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Michael: Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch, which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you, there has been more work, every day. I had to come in on a Saturday... to retrieve ... I left my cell phone here.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 806
