Creed: They've been in there a while.Michael: Yep.
Creed: Can't be good.
Michael: No.
Creed: Think they're talking about me?
Michael: No, I think they're talking about me.
Creed: Yeah. That makes way more sense. Thanks boss.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: [talking loudly on cell phone] Uh huh, well if he doesn't like it, he can tell that SOB that he is fired. Sorry I'm going into a meeting right now. I love you too. Bye.
Jim: Who was that?
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Hey let me escort you to your desk.
Pam: Okay, it's just... three or four steps but thank you. [sits down] Thank you.
Michael: You and Jim are close, huh?
Pam: Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I'm going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything ok?
Michael: Yeah. It's routine. I'm just a little bit scared.
Oscar: I'm sure everything will be fine. What's the procedure if you don't mind my asking?
Michael: It is a colonoscopy.
Oscar: Okay.
Michael: In your experience, what should I be expecting, in terms of sensation. Or, emotions. [pause] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shandri? My main concern is should I have a safe word?
Oscar: Yeah. [leaves]
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: You'll never guess what I know.
Dwight: [typing] Ok. Let me finish this thought.
Michael: Eric likes Megan!
Dwight: He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went on a group date the other night, apparently it went very well.
Michael: How do you know this?
Dwight: People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: How do you untell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do, is spread false gossip... so people think that everything that's been said is untrue. Include that Stanley is having an affair. It's like the end of Spartacus. I have seen that movie half a dozen times and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunnit.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Erin: Kelly has an eating disorder?
Michael: Yes.
Erin: She always eats my lunch.
Michael: Anorexia. She's an anorexitic.
Erin: We should do something.
Michael: Nothing can be done. We just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Hey Stanley, where you going big guy? Up to no good?
Stanley: I'm meeting a client, do you have a problem with that?
Michael: No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you, I am casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, a beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Stanley: Goodbye.
Michael: Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? Because that's not cool.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: If somebody doesn't tell me I'm going to start screaming.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team... or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist! I should've known. "Poop ball?"
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 806
