Popular Mike Delfino Quotes
Susan: I have a clog.
Mike: Excuse me?
Susan: And you're a plumber, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: The clog's in the pipe.
Mike: Yeah, that's usually where they are
Mike: Actually, he was my wife's dog and one of the last things she said to me in the hospital before she died was to be sure I looked after him and I promised her I would.
Mary Alice [narrating]: And just like that Susan could suddenly see something she had never seen before.
Mike: He meant so much to her.
Mary Alice: Mike Delfino was still in love with his late wife.
Mike: And if something had happened I would have felt like I failed her. I know that sounds stupid but-
Mary Alice: And she knew right then that neither she nor Edie would be laying claim to his heart anytime soon.
Susan: No it doesn't. Not at all.
Mary Alice: So she decided, for now, she could settle for just being his friend
Mike: Should I have told her we were having steak? She's not like, a vegetarian or something, is she?
Susan: Oh, no, no. Edie's definitely a carnivore
Susan: Listen, Mike, about the whole "seeing me naked" thing. I just wanna thank you for being such a perfect gentleman.
Mike: Oh, I wasn't a prefect gentleman, I might've snuck a peek.
Susan: Oh, goodnight.
Mike: And for what it's worth, wow
Susan: Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it's gonna be hard to replace that screen?
Mike: Well that depends. Nail it in yourself, you might wanna wear gloves. Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
Susan: Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory, but I am nowhere near ready to laugh about it. So please, no jokes.
Bree: Hey, where've you been?
Mike: Um, Susan had a problem finding something to wear. Oh, was that the kinda thing you meant?
Susan: Pretty much
Susan: You remember that cop from the neighborhood watch meeting the other night? He agreed to run a fingerprint check on the screwdriver I found at Mrs Fromme's house.
Mike: He did? Nothing was taken.
Susan: Still, somebody broke in, it is a crime. So the weird thing is, the cop asked me out. On a date.
Mike: Oh?
Susan: And I sort of said...yes. I was sort of curious what you thought about that.
Mike: You're asking my permission to go out with him?
Susan: No, no. I just uh, was wondering your opinion.
Mike: I don't really have one.
Susan: Okay. Great. Fine. Thank you.
Mike: Susan, wait. Wait. I'm sorry. My life its just ah, really complicated right now-
Susan: You don't have to explain.
Mike: Susan!
Susan: It's complicated. I get it
Mike: Okay, I know you're mad at me and I'm sorry I didn't stop you from going out with that guy.
Susan: I'm not mad at you. I mean I'm not just mad at you. I'm mostly mad at myself.
Mike: Okay.
Susan: I'm mad because I like you so much without really knowing anything about you.
Mike: Oh. What do you want to know?
Susan: What's your favorite food?
Mike: Mexican.
Susan: What's your favorite sport?
Mike: Football.
Susan: Favorite band?
Mike: Elvis Costello.
Susan: That's a guy not a band.
Mike: It's a guy with a band.
Susan: What do you think of me?
[Mike leans in and kisses her]
Susan: I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
Mike: I know how this looks, but there is nothing between us. Kendra is just an old friend.
Susan: Old friend?
Mike: Yeah, you know...
Susan: Yeah. Yeah. No, actually no, I don't know. So, by old friend, do you mean college pal, bowling buddy, saved you from drowning?
Mike: It's hard to explain.
Susan: Could you give it a shot?
Susan: Well, so, in your mind, is the date off?
Mike: Well, you snooped around my house and went through my stuff. Uh, yeah, in my book that's pretty much a deal breaker.
Susan: Hold on a minute, now. I started snooping around because I found all that money by accident. And, and then, I found a gun. Are you a drug dealer or something?
Mike: Is that what you think?
Susan: Well, I wouldn't know because you never let me in. You know, there's this whole part of your life that you keep completely walled off.
Mike: I have a gun for protection, I keep cash for emergencies. I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that. I'm, I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life with you.
Susan: Well, every little detail is one thing. You know, weird creepy secrets, that's another.
Mike: You know what, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me.
Susan: Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating.
Mike: Maybe we shouldn't.
Susan: Do you mean that?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: Well, I hope that your, you know, little secret keeps you warm at night because you're throwing something really great away to protect it!
Mike: You know, I retract my earlier statement. I no longer love you. In fact, I just think of you as a really good buddy.
Susan: No. No, no, no. You obviously think you have some insight into my soul, so please, go ahead, dazzle me.
Mike: Your divorce left you hurt and vulnerable.
Susan: Big insight. The postman knows that.
Susan: Oh, God, you scared me.
Mike: How'd it go?
Susan: It went just peachy, and humiliating, and shocking.
Mike: Susan...
Susan: How could you? God, "Susan, do you trust me?" "Yes, of course I do." Oh, I'm such an idiot, and you're such a liar. Oh, and apparently a killer, and a drug dealer. That's just quite a personal ad you've got going there.
Mike: Susan, I came to Wisteria Lane--
Susan: Stop! Stop, Mike, just stop. If you keep talking, you're gonna work your way into my heart and I just don't want you anywhere near my heart. Ever
Susan: Oh, I wouldn't eat that if I were you.
Mike: Why?
Susan: I made it, trust me. Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?
Mike: No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese.
Mike: Oh my God. How did you...it tastes like it's burnt and undercooked.
Susan: Yeah, I get that a lot
